^ looKing for stars ^

204

2011-10-30T17:46:00.003+08:00

I feel so god damn frustrated. I don't know what i want...

I just need a break. Maybe one day I should just leave.

203

2011-10-29T22:52:00.004+08:00

I have so much to say but I can't seem to pen it down....

I feel so confused. I feel everything is so wrong.....

202

2010-11-16T21:28:00.004+08:00

Out of a sudden, I feel like blogging. I feel there is a need to blog; I think I need a space to talk and this is it. Actually, I do not know what exactly that I want to say, but I just feel like something is clogging my heart and making me feel really uncomfortable. Perhaps, I just need to talk.

Time flies uh. I'm into the 21st year of my life, 2nd year of university education and going to be into the 16th month of love with Baby. So much things has happened, and so much things made me grow to be a better and matured person. Be it bitter or sweet, I'm glad it all happened for a reason.

These few days, I kept having memory flashback of my childhood years, and realised that in these 21 years, I have really been a fortunate and happy girl. I have family who love me, friends who are always there for me and now, a boyfriend who loves me.. All the things that i possess now, may be what people are wishing for life. Complete family? Supportive friends? Nice boyfriend? Health?... I have them all. I know I should already be contented, and most of the times, I really am.

Almost everyday, I feel like I'm the most blissful girl on earth. I have nothing more to ask for; If I have any more to ask for, it will really be too much of me. I once told my best friends, 'when any sad thing happened in you life, just smile. It will be over one day'. All these years, I never fail to do so. All these years, facing problems with a smile is how I grow up. But, is it that as you grow older, you tend to think a bit more? or it is just a women's nature?

Curiosity kills the cat. I suppose I wouldn't feel this tough if curiosity did not kick in then, but if given a choice back again, I think I would had made the same decision. It brought pain and tears, and never once in my life, I felt so suffocated. I kept telling myself 'it will be over soon. one day...very soon'. But this time, it didn't really work. When the feeling gets too bad, I scolded myself for thinking too much. Yeah, I know it is. But, it really hurts.

Okay, stop being so emotional. Move on in life. Weeping and feeling bad does not give you a future. Treasure is the word; nothing else should matter more than this. Hurts and scars, someday they will be alright, but happiness don't come by someday.

201

2010-08-07T20:40:00.003+08:00

Hi everyone! It's time for an update! Haha, I know my loyal fans are waiting for me! Hehe. I am quite lost of what to update actually. That's like so me. Haha! Always accumulating happenings and ended up being lost when i want to update. Haha. Alrights...I shall just update randomly yea?

Okay! First thing : Baby and my first year anniversary :D. The initial plan was to go on a zoo trip on the 17th July. But it rained so heavily that Singapore actually flooded again! I woke up at 6 plus that day feeling all excited, but ended up disappointed. Decided to head to Baby's house first instead of the intial plan (meeting at amk), as the rain just spoiled everything. Reached Baby's house at 8plus and the both of us had no idea where to go. Thought of like tons of ideas but none seemed workable as outdoor activities on a rainy day is that impossible :( I kept telling Baby how disappointed I was that my long-awaited zoo trip couldn't be fulfilled, and Baby promised me that he will take me there one SUNNY day. Haha (Baby, make good your promise *winks*). Finally, after hours of slacking, we decided to head down to my grandmother's house for mahjong session (yeah, indoor activity :p). After that, we went to meet SIM friends for a buffet dinner at Sizzler. The food is nice though expensive, but I guess buffet is not that much for me. I over ate due to not wanting to waste the food. Haha. It was a nice day afterall :).

On the 20th July, which was our exact anniversary date, I met Baby at his house after work, and then we headed to Tiong Bahru Plaza for a buffet dinner at Raja Inn (Our favourite buffet place, and the most worthwhile one for me cuz I can eat a lot there. Haha) Baby was surprised of the amount of food I ate that day and even laughed at me that the buffet at Sizzler expanded my appetite. I suggested going to the Arcade after dinner because I had the sudden urge to play the arcade games. Hehe. Asked Baby to catch a doll for me but none of the attempts succeeded. It was apparently the machine's fault because Baby had actually managed to catch it, but it dropped every single time. So sad. Haha. Then, we played the gun game and basketball. Baby is so suave when we played the gun game. Baby's shooting is so accurate! haha. And we took photos after that. Love Baby's classic photos and he's really getting better at NOT taking proper photos. Haha. It's a simple celebration but sweet to the bottom of my heart :) Baby, we have many more anniversaries to go oh :)

Second thing : Return of the besties :D. My best friends had returned from Boston on the 23th July 2010! Haha. Feel so happy to see them again, and am glad that they had truthfully enjoyed the trip to the maximum. Had a few meet-ups with them, and it was great! Time with best friends is always so enjoyable. :). On the 5th August, I had a meet up with Infinitys to celebrate Boon Shuang and Sabrina's 21st birthday in advance! Time pass so fast..We celebrated their 17th, 18th, 19th, 20th...and now 21st birthday. Scary yea? It's always just a dinner celebration, and then home. Hais. But nevertheless, it's great to see all of them again. After all, how hard it is to hold the friendship of 8 persons together for so many years. :)

Third thing: Work :D. Work is pretty much the same, just that now I am no longer staying in the Infant Care. I am helping out in the Infant from 8 to 9 every morning, and then in the Toddler for the rest of the working hours. Working with toddlers is so much different from working with infants. It's so much more physically and mentally tiring and stressful. *stressed from the loud and clear cries every second*. Nevertheless, it's still enjoyable working with the toddlers, looking at their cute little faces. My boy, Kyle had just came out from the Infant care to join the Toddler class, and being the most familiar teacher to him, he would just cling on to me every second and cry loudly whenever I have to leave his sight. It's no doubt stressful to be handling his emotions and cries everyday, but I feel the pain when I look at his crying face. I can totally understand his fear and feel his helplessness, and it pains me so much whenever he stretch out his hands for me to carry him when he cries. Kyle, don't worry. Teacher Xinyi will be with you giving you the support and hugs you need till the day you learn to adapt to your class and to be independent. You will grow up to be strong, my boy :).

Fourth thing: Baby's work :D Congratulations! :) Baby has gotten his first two certificates! So smart right? Haha. And he is on his way to get the third and final certificate, which entitles his right to sell Health Insurance. Having acquired the first two certs, it would mean that Baby can start to sell policies. So people, please approach him if you wish to get policy :). You may get his number from me. Thanks! I can greatly assure you that Prudential insurances are good; they are afterall the first in Asia for consecutive four years. :)

Baby, here are some heartfelt words which I have always been wanting to tell you.

From the day that you decided to join Prudential, I do really have a lot of worries. Each and every day in this one month, I have been thinking a lot and worrying about things like; will you be able to cope with the job? will the job suits you? etc. But after attending the talk with you, I really feel that I can better understand your job nature, your job scope and your job environment. And I like your company's idea of putting family as the priority while working hard, because I know how much family matters to you. Looking at you working hard and holding high hopes for your future, I feel so glad and happy for you, and finally, I can put my mind at ease because I am sure that you will be able to do a good job.

I know that I may not be of much help in your career, but I know that I will be the most supportive person to you. I am just a hug away from you if you feel tired. Prudential as proven in all the award ceremonies is the best in the insurance industry, I really do hope that they can give you the best. the best future, the best prospects. I want the best for you. :). I trust you, and I love you. All I want to say lastly is, Jia you!

Lastly, at the end of this post, i just want to release abit of my emotions here. My heart has been rather heavy these few days. I do not know whether it is because I am not feeling well, or because of PMS. I feel rather tired, and I feel the heart getting heavier. Sometimes, I feel it's tough being myself. I came across notes that I received from friends during secondary years when I was randomly packing my stuffs a few days ago. One of the notes wrote 'You are one of the most kind, innocent and optimistic person I have known. Please keep these qualities with you forever because they are not easy to be found in human's hearts'. and most of the notes wrote "You are so sweet and kind". At that moment, I really thought to myself "Innocent? Kind? Sweet? Will I really be able to keep them with me forever?" On the growing up process, especially in the working society, it just somehow seem that innocence and kindness are not able to deal with the cruelty of this world. But, I really just wish to be myself.

200

2010-07-01T21:36:00.003+08:00

Hello everybody! wow! this is my 200th post! Can't believe i wrote 200 posts! Haha, this blog has been with me for 4 years. Time pass sooo fast! I will continue to blog here; everything in my life, everything about me and my love :) I will keep this blog for as long as i could, i promise :) After all, this is the only place where friends can see my updates.

Okay, today is a rather happy day for me. I woke up to see Baby's message, and this makes my day! :) It just feels good everytime to see a message from Baby when i open my eyes. Love love! Had a short SMS chat with Baby, and I suggested to meet Baby for lunch as I am only working at 2pm. Baby agreed, but I felt a bit worried that what if he wants to lunch with his colleagues. But my Baby assured me again and again that he is able to lunch with me, and I felt so sweet! :)

I decided to wear my pair of new white jeans today, and it turned out to be a really wrong choice! It wasn't raining when I left the house, but the moment Baby and me reached Newton Circle, it rained so heavily! It didn't stop raining after our lunch, hence Baby and me shared one umbrella to the MRT. Though the rain was really heavy, not that much of a romantic walk, I still feel sweet during the short walk. Okay, i'm silly! Haha. While walking, I was so worried that Baby will get sick if he returns to the air-conditioned office drenched. I kept telling him to shelter himself more, but Baby said 'it's alright. I won't fall sick. You too cannot fall sick'. Haha though I always complain to Baby that he don't say sweet things to me often, his actions actually proven me everything in love :)

Reached my centre at 2pm, and I was so sad that my white jeans is dirty due to the rain :(:(. Worked at N1 until 6pm, and took over the student care class (primary school kids). I was actually quite worried before that as I had never been to student care class. My N1 teacher who had went there to relief before told me that the kids over there can be really naughty and i must be firm with them. And she went on to laugh at me 'Hmm, maybe they will think you are part of them, you know you are so small'. Lol! But, the class turned out to be pretty okay :)

Baby has a dinner date with his ex-colleagues today; and here i am, waiting for his call. Love! :)

199

2010-06-30T22:05:00.005+08:00

Recently, i think my emotions are quite unstable. Emotional stress, i suppose. I've been feeling so frustrated and uncertain to things. Each time and every time, i tried so hard to control myself down. I did lost control, but not big ones. Most of the time, i am asking myself 'what do i really want?'; 'what do i need to stay happy?' Confusion. Frustration.

Often late at nights now, when i am the only one awake in the family, i have the urge to cry. Nothing particularly came into my mind; but this urge just comes so randomly and suddenly. Every night, when i say byebye to Baby, I too feel like crying. But I didn't cry. I didn't cry on these nights. I just feel like. Maybe I dread and scares of the thought that I am going to be alone now, at night again. I can completely understand that Baby has to work and he need enough rest. I won't want him to be too tired and I certainly won't allow him to accompany me till too late. So, I am now learning to cope with my emotions...

On another note, it's a good thing that I have learnt to release my emotions. I still will not cry that easily, but if there is really a need for me to, i will not fight back my tears anymore :). I think I feel secured with Baby, that I know I no longer need to try so hard to protect myself. Friends had told me to release my emotions when necessary, but I didn't know how to do so. But now, i think I do know it. When you have someone behind to support you and be by your side to love you, you will know that it won't hurt that much if you fall...you will know that even if you fall, your love will help you up. That word is love.

When you have someone to love you, you will learn to release your emotions and face up to yourself, your hurts, your everything. I'm blessed with Baby :). But I am a grown up now. I cannot be too weak. It's equally important to know how to depend on people, and at the same time be strong. So, i must gain back the ability to cope with my emotions and be strong now.

Don't worry. Like i said, I am really happy and blessed with my life now, with all my loves. I think this might just be a more more serious case of PMS than usual. I do hope so. Or maybe, i miss my best friends. Or maybe, identity crisis!?! Haha, anyway, i will be all right. Positive positive positive!

Random frustration is scary!!! :(. AHHH! PMS go away! Girls...are so ke lian :(

I just need to hear it personally from you at times....

198

2010-06-29T23:41:00.009+08:00

Okay, no work today. Decided to go down to Orchard to get Baby's advanced first year present; an office bag as he needs it for work. Reached Orchard with Mum at around 1plus and did a little shopping with her before she went off to meet her friends. Mum bought me a blazer at pepperplus; after discount was about 40. i think. Love! Started my search at around 2pm....Combed Wisma Atria, Takashimaya, Heeren, Cineleisure, ION and 313! wow, i had never tried combing Orchard on my own before, somemore i was in my heels! Legs were super painful from all the walking in heels; but because I had no time to spare, i bear with the pain and continue walking.

Finally, found a bag which caught my eyes at the first sight at 313, Pedro! I had wanted to go to Robinsons to take a look, but i was running out of time! Meeting Baby at 515 and when i reached 313, it was already 430!! Therefore, after spending another 15mins staring at the bag, I laid my hands on it. Haha. Wanted to rush to dhoby ghaut immediately, but my legs were really too painful. Rested for a short while and proceeded to meet Baby! :)

Baby came at around 530 and i was so excited to see him! Haha. We had our dinner at Astons' and watched the movie; Toy Story 3. It was a simple but nice movie! I enjoyed it a lot. :) After that, was home sweet home.

My day with baby ended fast; but I enjoyed every second of it. Love hugging Baby during the movie. Love being in Baby's arms. Love holding Baby's hand; the hand that promises me love. :)

I dread saying goodbyes to Baby everytime when we have to go home. Baby always say that i am silly ><. But, zhen de she bu de ahh. How i wish time will just stop there. :( haha, okay, you may call me silly.

I am so looking forward to 20th July 2010, and our zoo trip! :D

Hmm....there is another thing that I am quite concerned about. My best friend emails me these few days to update me on her happenings as she is now far away at Boston. She told me about her worries, and i can understand how she feels.

I had also just read my another bestie's blog. From her blog, I can see that though she appears to be happy over there, but inside her are just dark clouds.She's truthfully enjoying her life there but that doesn't completely mean happiness. Really hope that i can be of help to her now...Hais, iust feel that, although we are all human beings, experiences in life do really make a person different, be it more positive or negative, more open or closed. Feel so deeply that being happy is not difficult. what's difficult is staying happy and positive in life always. This is something every human wish to do so, but not many can achieve.

Truly hope that my best friend will be able to manage the situation better; and my another bestie will truly be happier :) live life to the fullest.... :)

Confidence. Smile. I am learning to possess these 2 qualities in me always! :)

197

2010-06-28T22:26:00.004+08:00

Hello people! Here to update again! I got so much to say, yet i don't know how and where to start.

Baby has started his first day of work today. Seemed to be a rather nice day for him...this one month will be his training period, whereby he will go to company everyday for courses and ultimately obtain three certificates by end of the one month. Oh ya, I hadn't mentioned this. Baby is now currently working as a financial consultant at Prudential. So, people, if any one of you is interested in buying an insurance policy, please do support my Baby! Contact me for his number. Thank you so much :)

Today is the first day that Baby is not able to accompany me during my break. For the past one month, Baby would call me to chat with me during my break, just because i mentioned that i was bored. Everyday at work, i would so look forward to my break hour. Though it was always just a short one hour chat, I feel so sweet and motivated to work thereafter. Today is different....I entertain myself with songs, but I am missing him. Missing him so terribly much that I have to tell myself 'Silly, Baby is working hard now!'. Haha. Knowing that Baby is working hard at that moment, I find myself feeling proud of him. Because we are working hard together for our beautiful future. :)

Haha, I kept asking Baby to tell me that he misses me after his work today. But naughty Baby just wouldn't say it. Lol. Naughty Baby don't understand that i only just want to hear it personally from him...I only want to know that Baby feel the same as me, though we are both working hard in our jobs. Lol....but ultimately he still says it. Haha.

Baby, you don't have to do anything for me. Just remember me in your heart and jia you for work! That is enough for me :).

If my tears are more uncontrollable now, is it because I am not as strong anymore or there is already no need to force myself to stay strong....

196

2010-06-25T21:48:00.008+08:00

Hello people! woah. It has already been more than half a year since i last updated my blog. I didn't realize that it had been this long. Lol. I was truly being too busy with my life these few months. Sorry to keep you people waiting! But maybe some of you had stopped visiting here. Haha.

Alright. It's time for me to do some updating...Exam was over in May. I could only say I had done my best for it but it might very well turn out to be a disaster that I'm not sure whether I can deal with it. Well, perhaps I was not too hardworking for this examination. If i really have to repeat, I can only tell myself to work ultra hard and not to have any regrets again. *Xinyi, no matter how hard it will takes for you to complete your degree, you have to jia you! don't forget your promise to yourself at the very start! You can do it.*

Now currently, I am working in an infant care. As compared to childcare, it is definitely a very different experience. Babies do not know how to express themselves with word, yet they touches my heart deeply. Precisely because they do not talk, what I am able to feel from them is the most genuine. Really, how i hope they can keep their sparkle in their eyes and their innocent smiles forever. How i hope they do not grow up to face the reality of this world.

I still remember when I was carrying this baby who cries almost every minute when she is awake, I have this thought in my mind. Babies cry for the most simple reasons; hunger, sleepy or wet themselves, but as they grow older, the reasons for crying become more and more complicated. They cannot just cry out loud like they used to as a baby anymore. Thinking of this while carrying her just made me feel so sad. My babies, you all are really very cute and Teacher Xinyi do really hopes that all of you can grow up happily and keep this innocence in you forever :) I truly hope that your reasons for crying when you grow up will be out of happiness....

Looking at them, i told myself that for every minute of my life, i will stay happy as happiness is so precious :) my tears will only be out of happiness from now :) My love for children and babies, is forever. Because they showed me the most genuine part of a human being.

At this moment in my life, I am really fortunate to have my family, best friends and baby with me. Having them in my life makes me feel that in this world, i am important :) Loved ones is the love!

Yeelin and Alicia have flown over to Boston and will be staying there for 5 weeks. Really miss them so much. Life seem a bit different without them. Hope they enjoy their trip and come back faster!! haha.

How time flies. Baby and me will be celebrating our 1st year anniversary next month! In this one year, we went through so much hand in hand. Our love grows stronger day by day, creating more and more memories each day :) Be it sweet or bitter, these are truly what walked us till today. And i am thankful that the memories we have created till now are mostly happy and sweet!

Baby, i know you will read this! Haha. I didn't tell you how touched I felt when you hugged me in your arms when I cried yesterday. At that moment, I felt so really blessed, because you are the first one who hugged me so tightly when I cry. I am not a person who cries easily because for the past 20 years, I have to be strong for myself. I know that as much as best friends will comfort me with words, I have to stand up myself. But you are different. You made me feel that it's your love and hug that comfort me and you will stand up together with me

You will be starting your work soon. It will be a challenging and tiring work for you, but I believe strongly that you can do it. Of course I will have my worries, but i know very much that this is what you wish to excel in and this is what you think will be a helpful stepping stone. All i wish for you is to be happy, therefore if this is what you have interest in and will feel happy doing it, I will be behind you supporting you. To see you excel is the pride in my life. If you are tired from work, do not forget that I am here ready with all the oil to add on for you! my oil is unlimited and is ready for your usage forever! Haha. Jia you Baby!

Lastly, I really do feel fortunate to have you. Down the years to the end of my life, i will not stop loving you and supporting you. I believe you will not too :) let's build our future together, promise? I love you!

195

2009-11-23T20:55:00.002+08:00

Love needs to go through obstacles to stay stronger, and the love that survives is what we called true love. It may not be as sweet as before, but it's definitely stronger.

Just wanna say......

I love you, my dear.

194

2009-11-10T09:02:00.002+08:00

Nothing in this world remains the same forever, no matter how much i hope it will. Once, your sweet actions are what makes me love you the most. Once, I am so dependant on what you do for me. All things in this world has a possibility to change, whether there's a reason or not. There's no guarantee for anything, especially love.

I miss your sweet actions. I miss the old us.

It hurts to stay strong....

193

2009-10-16T21:48:00.003+08:00

Okay people, i am really NOT updating my blog for very long. Heehee, but i have no idea why, but I just feel like penning down my thoughts today. I'm having so much of mixed feelings; happiness, frustration, missing, and fear. So much so that I feel that I have the need to blog now.

It's going on to the 3rd month :). How time flies...It's always been like a beautiful dream to me, but I know it's real. I love how he always sms me in the morning just to greet me good morning. It never fails to bring a smile on my face when I was drowsily awoken by the msg alert tone and saw his msg when i check the phone. I love how he always call me at night even though he's really tired. It's so sweet even if it means just talking to him for that few minutes. Becuz it means i'm remembered :) I love how he looks at me deeply into my eyes, and stroking my head with lots of love. I know how much he love me, even though he always 'bully' me. I know how much he love me, even though he doesn't say it often. I know how much he love me, because that's how much i love him.

I always think it's really fortunate of me to have met into him, my dear. I hold this belief till forever :) My life is really totally different, with his participation. But I guess, as I fall deeper into this love, my worries and fear surfaced more often. I miss him alot whenever he is not around with me. The feeling is so strong that it couldn't be ignored. It's so hard missing someone. Ahh....I hate to feel worried. I hate to feel paranoid. I hate to feel the fear. I hate I hate I hate, but i guess these comes along with love.

Dear, I want the way we are now to stay forever :) Can everything not change? All i want is very simple; it's only your love :)

Dear, my baobei. Just want to say; I Love You!

192

2009-08-29T23:24:00.002+08:00

yay!! I finally have no problems with blogger le. Thank you so much, dearest biao ge! I kept thinking that it's blogger's problem and it will be fixed by its own. So i left it unattended for months. Today asked my cousin, then noe it's the problem with internet explorer settings. The whole world is having the same problem with blogger, not only me. LOL.

Noe earlier, i ask him at the start jiu hao le ><. haha.

Hmms, life is okay now. Be it happy or sad, it will be over in a blink of eyes. Now, what i want to do is to treasure the people i love alot, and spend more quality time with them. :) Miss Yeelin, Yeeling, Alicia, Kaiqiu and my mr ong :)

Mr ong, you are the most amazing and best thing that happen to me. Friends always say i am acting too strong; I guess i were in the past, due to the experiences. Always being in the an lian situation, I learnt to keep everything to myself, and learnt to be strong in front of others. I became too used to only showing others my strong side, but never the weak side. I thought being this way, I can be strong deep inside. But I was wrong. Acting strong doesn't mean strong.

From now, I wanna share each and every single thing of my life with you. I want you to be the first one to noe that I am happy or sad. You will be the first one to know about my happenings. You are the first one to make me feel this way. Because of you, I am slowly learning how to depend on people. All for the reason, you matters a lot to me. Because of this, our future means more than anything else to me :)

191

2009-08-26T23:05:00.000+08:00

Just saw a quote on my friend, sherlene's facebook. wow, sherlene, I really think that quote is so cool. You made a valid point :)

要多少智慧才能够无所谓

nice one :)

190

2009-08-26T20:33:00.000+08:00

wow.I don't know when this blogger problem will be fixed. I cannot alter the text and font colour! So sian of this colour le, but nothing can be done. LoL. :P Okay lah, jiu make do with it okay? hahaha :P

I just wanna make some dedications here :)

Kelvin: Jie Fu!! Haha, thanks for showing concern to me, and listening to me ytd. I give credits to you wor. Touched right? Haha, it means a lot to me already. And one more thing, I'm strong! Don't need to go for counselling. Haha :P

Yeelin: Mama!! Thanks for being by my side, at my weakest point. Haha, i'm so very touched! I'm really happy and glad that I have you as my bestest and dearest friend. Thanks for standing by me, just like how I stand by you. It takes a lot of chemistry and faith to achieve that.:) Jia you too! Please remember to take good care of yourself. Your nu-er don't want to see you too tired, wo bu ren xin :) I treasure you :D

Mummy: Thanks for being with me all along. :) I've been a strong girl in front of you, and since young, you didn't really have to worry for me. Sorry for making you worried about me this time. I love you! :)

Mr Ong: No words can express what I really want to say to you now. Thanks for everything :) Your presence means alot to me; with you, I already feel that I had overcome my fear of the past memories. As long as you are with me, I have nothing to be afraid of le. Past memories inflicted an unforgottable hurt on me, but now I think I can learn to forget, and is now slowly forgetting le. Nothing matters more than the present and future :) Thanks, and..I love you :) I'm a happy happy person now! :)

To you(zx): Hmms, I had never thought that i will meet into you again, but actually I think it's for a good reason that you appeared again. Avoiding is not the down-to-earth solution after all; by facing up to it is the only way. Though it reminded me of the once hurtful memories, but it gave me a chance to face up to things that I never had the courage to. Now that, I have the courage to face up to my hurts; I am a happy person now. :) People matured through the process of growing up. Haha, actually I wouldn't think that it's totally your fault now. I had long forgiven :) I believe you are a mature person now. I guess, if I see you face-to-face one day, I'll be able to say Hi to you. To a certain extent, I should thank you, for giving me the life experience. It made me grow up in a way too. Though it may not be my fault, but, sorry for the past too :)

189

2009-08-25T21:21:00.000+08:00

why...why must a person who had hurt me so badly before, a person i wish i will never see again enter my life once again. what's worse, she enter my life through my dearest,who is so important to me.

The feeling of fear and nightmare seem to have come back. I feel so scared and helpless, really. Why must it be her out of so many people in this world. Why must it be the only person who had hurt me before intentionally...Actually what happened was in the young and ignorant times. It was only a misunderstanding, it may be only becuz of her little jealousy, but it became the nightmare of my life. The first time i felt human's heart is unpredictable, and how terrible rumours can be. It may already be the past, but i can never forget. Since it's a misunderstanding, which i can't say it's whose fault...I had long forgiven, but yea...forget is hard.

I remembered Yeeling once told me that she hoped i will never met into her again, so that no one can hurt me. Actually, i always believe that human is kind by nature. And time will make a person become more mature. Maybe from the start, she wasn't a bad person and I do believe that she is a better person now. However, the feeling of fear is just so terrible, and hard to cope with. And, i really didn't think i will have the chance to see her again.

I'm afraid, history will have a repeat of itself. I'm afraid of the hurts again. wo...zhen de pa.

Why....it's been so long since i cried out of fear. And so nan de, my tears flowed like a tap. I've become a strong person since the start of Poly, and this is the first time since Poly that my mum seen me so fragile. Perhaps, I am not strong....

Qing ai de, I only have a question for you. Will you believe in me, no matter what happen?

188

2009-08-21T23:41:00.002+08:00

Happy 1st month!!

20.08.09 marked the day of our first month. Thanks for everything in this one month, and we have many many more months and years to walk down together :)

Hand in hand, we walked through our first month and your first birthday with me. It's all so memorable in my heart, and...your hand is the only hand i want to hold in my life :) Actually, I really want to say thank you; thank you for loving me, and thank you for making me believe in love again; something i thought i will never be able to do again.

Qing ai de, iloveyou. :)

187

2009-07-24T21:09:00.007+08:00

I found the one, my love :) Haha, I guess people are right. Fate could just come anywhere and anytime, without any prior notice. It's weird how much I feel natural and xing fu with him; for this reason, i know he's the one. Understanding is a process, it needs time, and i will take my whole life time to understand. And a whole life time for me to love too, mr ong :)

It's my first, and i know it will be the last. 20.7.09, our journey begins :) I really wish to walk down the path of my life with you, till we grow old but still holding each other's hand. :)

薰衣草的花语是等待爱情，而我等到了。:)

186

2009-07-08T21:27:00.001+08:00

Okay, a significant paragraph which i took from a book. I hope for readers who read this, can find courage to pursue what you really want, and have no regrets at all.

没有任何一段等待是真的完全不要求的，希望自己能够一直在他的身边其实已经是一种要求。差别是，大多数的时候，是不是懂得清醒而已。然而，也没有什么样的爱情比明明互相喜欢的两个人却错过更可惜的。

185

2009-07-06T23:13:00.003+08:00

Okay, pardon me for blogging in chinese again. I feel much more comfortable expressing myself in chinese, to issues pertaining to my true feelings. Well, after all, it's my best language. :)

好，我看完了 <淡水，7度C>。故事的结局很美，那爱情也很美。那种把对方一直放在心上的感觉很美。其实，爱情是很美的，只不过它总是需要伤痛来衬托。

那个淡水的夜晚，我看着海想念着你。有时，我会想，如果那时的我知道我会在10天后失去你，我会怎么做? 其实，我想，我还是会静静的看着那片海，什么也不会做吧。那么美丽的海，不适合悲伤吧。

很难的，我昨天睡不着。我不知道为什么走到了客厅的窗户，原本只是想吹吹冷风，却让我发现了一件事。其实，你一直都离我很近，你只不过是在我的对面。我虽然知道你住哪里，却没想过从那片窗户看去，你就在那么近。也许曾经有，只是我忘了。那么近，却那么远。我终于明白，我想念你，多过我以为的。

你和我唯一的相片是在2006，过了很久，但我却觉得照片里开心微笑的你是最真实的你。你已经变了，可是至少照片里的你和我不会变吧。

我错过了你最爱我的时候...。

时光的交错，一切已经太迟了。我根本没有勇气见证你的幸福，所以别怪我不找你。明天是我的新开始，大学的开始。请你也祝福我吧。

184

2009-07-05T17:45:00.002+08:00

结束了让我忙碌的工作，我也终于有了机会放慢脚步，做我很喜欢却没时间做的事。
很久很久没有好好的看一本书了，其实我很喜欢看书，因为每一篇故事都能让我觉得有不同的意义，甚至爱情也有不同的角度。

最近，我走着走着，也不知道为什么就走到了图书馆。我想，我真的需要好好的找一本书来沉淀我这一阵子混乱的心情吧。看书的时候，我会觉得自己很平静，好像什么都不必去想，只要投入在故事里就好。我想我需要这样的平静。

看到了一本名叫 <淡水，7度> 的书，我觉得很喜欢。因为，我去过淡水，真的真的很喜欢这个地方。那里，真的很美。虽然那时候只在那里逛了两个小时，可是我对淡水一直很怀念。那里，确实让我影像很深刻。我觉得，自己很适合淡水这个地方。

淡水，有一片很美很美的海。它的夜景美得无法形容。淡水，温度很低，似乎总是弥漫着忧伤的气息，却让人觉得很舒服。我喜欢温度低的地方，因为喜欢冷风吹着自己的感觉。我怀念那忧伤的气息，因为那让我觉得我可以完全的做自己，不用再强颜欢笑，也不必装着坚强。虽然忧伤，可是那感觉并不窒息。忧伤中的舒服清澈，真的让我觉得好安心。那，好像是在对我说；悲伤之后，总会雨过天晴。

那本书，我目前只读了一半，可是我相信读完以后，我会更喜欢淡水，更喜欢在淡水的爱情故事。

我想，有一天我一定会再回到淡水，这个位于台北的美丽圣地。我希望能到渔人码头，去看那一座祝福着恋人的，情人桥。

183

2009-07-01T23:47:00.008+08:00

Last day of work - 30/6/09

To: My dearest children in LSH- OCBC Centre (Senior Toddlers)

4 months of fun and sweet moments with you all, were really what made me so unbearable to leave. Though there were times when I felt hectic and tired, but your smiles and laughters never failed to brighten my mood. This is the best class I had been to, certainly. I really do feel much more happier in toddler class. I guess, I fell in love with your innocence. In your world, there's no such thing as hate and hidden mask. I love you so truly and you love me too. I would never forget the hugs and kisses that you all gave me. It is so sweet deep into the bottom of my heart. I guess, other than me teaching you, you all taught me precious things too, which of all true purity touches me the most.

Zachary Leong, as all people knows, my favourite of all. What a pity, he was absent from school on my last day but I love him always. Chloe, my favourite girl; a girl who is forever so sweet, obedient and smart. She is one of those that everyone likes and I think, i will never forget her. Kesler, a boy who is so cute and sweet; I was extremely touched when he called me "teacher xinyi'. I went from seeing him a toddler who doesn't talk much to calling me "Teacher Xinyi". Yeah, although some of my todds can call me that now, I super adore him as he's the first one to have learnt my name. And many more....Ryan, Zachary.N, Annika, Xavier, Ethan, Reagan, Elgin, Abinaya, Crystal, Imman.

I guess, when I come back during my next school holidays which will probably be next year, all of you would be promoted to N1 or N2. A new batch of toddlers will come in, but no, you all are the best toddlers I have been with.

Lastly, Teacher Xinyi loves you all, and my love is forever. :)

To: My dearest teachers in Toddler Class, and Steph (Principal)

My dearest teachers, it have been really fun working with you guys. I've learnt a lot, and I would never forget the moments where we cooperated so perfectly during busy and hectic periods. Our teamwork is wonderful. I miss working with you guys, taking the children for a walk around the area every morning, and bringing the children on field trips. All memories are certainly precious to me.

Thank you so much for the photo-taking session on my last day. I was so touched when you gathered the toddlers to take photos with me; it was a simple action but it was simply just so touching. I mean, that was all i need on my last day. It was certainly a chore to gather 15 toddlers to take photos together, but you guys didn't mind the effort at all. I appreciated it a lot, really! Thanks so much, Corrinne for sending me the photos! Certainly very touched. I'd post the photos if i could, but I afraid i can't as there are children's faces which I don't think it's good to be exposed on net. :) Well, the photos serve for my own memorial sake, and I treasure :)

Steph, i've known you since I was year 1. My supervisor for year 1 and, now the principal. Haha, simply a really nice person!! Do you know that, all your teachers enjoy working with you? You have been a great guidance to me :) From the bottom of my heart, I feel that you are the best principal i've ever known. I still remember at the completion of my year 1 practicum, you gave me and Eda each a chick doll, and you said that to you, we are like the chicks and you hope to see us grow to be better persons. I've always feel that, you are a very caring person :)

Thanks for the bouquet of flowers that you gave me on my last day. You said to update you on my studies and, want me to do my best for it. I am really touched, though I didn't say. Hmms, I'm not one who can express myself thoroughly face to face a person. All I can say that day is "thanks thanks, okay" but no words can express my thanks. Once again, thank you very much. If there's time and opportunity, I will come back during my school holidays :)

Thank you, to all my working partners and children. :)

182

2009-06-28T01:19:00.005+08:00

Hello! Okay, i apologized for the lack of updates ehh. hehe, been too busy and lazy! well, i will just note down the significant events that had happened in this one month or so, as it will take me the whole night to type this entry, if i were to type out everything in details. =P hehe, forgive me ehh. A short update here, and photos will be uploaded once I have the time next week =)

Okay, let's go!

14/6/09 - Met up with my cousin Shimin to buy present for my baby niece Valerie. Bought a lovely photoframe and customised a card! whee! After that, Boy boy came to join us for lunch and went to visit baby again! Super cute!

20/6/09- Valerie's first month party!! whee! Met up with Boy Boy and Shimin to Bugis as we need to get the banner for Valerie's party. Walked for a long time and finally we bought it, and it was super hot that day! Sweating like ><. Went back to Boy Boy's house and we proceeded to the venue at 3plus. Decorated the place and we sat down to slack =P. Hehe, of course many many photos were taken! I will upload soon! Valerie was the star that night, and I only got to carry her for a short while. haha. A simple but sweet party marked Valerie's first month. =)

21/6/09 - Met up with Shimin to shop at Bugis. She wanted to get present for their anniversary, and this girl full of creative ideas ah. She bought underwear for him as a surprise present lol. We shopped at Bugis Street as she wanted to get a dress for the anniversary. I couldn't resist the temptations, and bought one top + one dress. =X Headed for dinner with parents after that =)

23/6/09- Met up with Yeeling at Jurong Point for a sweet and simple dinner. Miss her really much, and as usual we chatted a lot =). I was told a really bad news about her, and it really shocked me. All I want to say is; Yeeling, you will be okay. I will be here with you, and everything will turn out fine! Oh ya, we shopped for Kaiqiu's present too. Bought a nice romper for her. Hehe, must wear ahh! :)

25/6/09- Met up with Yeeling and Kaiqiu at Bugis for a short celebration. It's been a long time since we three went out together. A short celebration but we were happy happy! We dined at Ajisen Ramen. Hehe, super full. Dinner was great with updates and laughters, and we had fun exploring and taking photos with Yeeling's Samsung Pixon! Photos are all with her, waiting for her to upload on FB. :P We shopped at Bugis Street again, woahhh! I bought quite a lot ehh. Hehe, not only me, we all did =X. I bought one top, one flats and one shorts. heehee.

26/6/09 - Met up with Yeelin and Alicia for dinner. Since their school reopened, it had been hard meeting them as they have loads of assignments to complete. Girls, Jia you!! haha, yea we dined at MOS burger. Had fun updating and chatting. Alicia had to leave earlier as she had to go for a concert. Yeelin and me stayed to chat more, and we really talked non-stop! Love chatting with her, and time with her always passed so fast! Headed home then. =)

27/6/09 - Met up with my two besties (Lin and Alicia) again. Yeelin recommended Astons @ Suntec, the food was nice and affordable but then, the waiting and serving them is soooo long!! I mean, 30mins for our meals to be served ehh. haha, but guess, i will still patronize there. Yeelin was late as she had alot to do at work. Poor girl. She only managed to join us at 8plus. Chatted quite abit, and the 2 of them looked really really tired. We went to Bugis to shop for present, and they are already closing!! At 10plus? I thought they will be opened till 11plus eh, I mean it's a place for youngsters mah. We quickly bought the present and headed home. Girls, thanks for this meet up though you two are stressed and busy with assignments. Meet up soon again yea? =)

Okay, ended my updates till date. Let me update about the upcoming events.

- Last day of work (30/6). I miss the todds already :(
- SIM Enrolment Talk (3/7). I'm nervous about it already :(
- Meet up with Yeeling for Kbox.
- Meet up for lunch with Yeelin and Alicia in sch.
- Meet up for shopping with Shimin.
- More dramas and shopping!
- School (3/8)

Bye :)

181

2009-06-07T00:36:00.009+08:00

Okay, at this late night, I felt like blogging. So here I am. Hmms....this is the 4th week le. haha, why am i counting? Because i can't believe, how time flies and how i've been coping with it these few weeks. Four weeks. I can't remember how i have been living. Life, just how is life for me now. I do not actually know.

Over the past 3 weeks, I am living my usual life, doing what i do usually. People who see me thinks I am no different from usual. But underneath me, I feel myself changing. I feel myself shutting from the world. Perhaps, the hurt is never something I can deal with. My heart has been heavy all along; the weight comes from the tears hidden. Until....he posted the song, Jue Ding from Fang Ya Xian on Facebook.

The lyrics is so true to my/his heart that i felt it was really my last straw. My strong front broke down the minute I heard the song. All my emotions whirled up and I couldn't take it. That minute, I could feel what he was feeling when he told me he has a gf, something I couldn't feel it that time. Too blinded by hurt. And seriously, that hurt is even more painful than his confession. Because I finally understand his pain in leaving too, I finally truly understand how hard it is for him to let go too....I understand but I understand even clearer that I can't bear for him to leave.

That sat night, I broke down. The next day, I was so closed up that I did not say a single word. I felt so painful that talking, even breathing is hard. I did not want to appear strong anymore; in a way i was really completely shattered. Totally defeated. He taught me to be strong yet teach me how it's like to be totally shattered now. If that's it, why taught me to be strong in the first place? Perhaps I am never strong, but becuz of him, i do my best to.

But thanks for the fact that I met up with my dearest besties, Yeelin and Alicia on mon. After trying very hard, i told them what I'm feeling. At that point of time, I know they did not really know what to say to me. It's not something that can be said with words, but their accompany already made me felt much lighter. And i meant it, when i say light.

That night when i reached home, I felt that I am alive once again, but as a new me. Realised a lot of things and overcame many overwhelming emotions. I've learnt to see things in a different way, thus I know that i'll be happier and stronger one day. To me, it's as though my attitude or perhaps life has went through a rebirth. After the complete broke down, which took me away, I revived again. I felt lighter, and finally feel that I can wish him with a smile. I know it's already something that I couldn't change, I can't reverse time....if it's the best for him now and future, i'm willing to accept. He's someone i will never stop worrying about, he's someone who i will never hate...but please promise me that if this is what you choose, please be happy....if not....i will really can't bear.

I wouldn't say, I don't feel hurt anymore. I still do. When Alicia told me abt what his gf wrote in a note, I felt a tinge of pain. But now, in the pain, I felt consoled that he's living on well. I believe if one day I do see the both of them tgt, I will be able to smile and wish him.

To You: It took me so long to realise one person in my heart; it's my regret but i hope it's not going to be yours if she can be your happiness =) Jia you! 一定要幸福，答应我. And please, treasure your happiness. I know both of us wouldn't stop caring for one another, but do not need to worry for me anymore. You taught me what is being strong, I will still do my best to achieve it now =) My happiness, I will get it one day too.

相约去年冬季

街角的你

脸上挂著笑意

好配这天气

玻璃窗倒映

两个人靠近

多美的一个情景

经过一个四季

所剩无几

脸上湿的痕迹

还擦不乾净窗

前站的你

和你的恋情

幸福得多甜蜜

决定不等了

这个冬季

手织的毛衣变成收藏品

决定祝福了

从没开始的爱情在心里

决定不等了

下个冬季寒冷的雨滴不会再忧郁

记得再次相遇

心早已经平静

终於微笑了

看著你不哭泣

p.s: 我让你等得太累了吧。。。曾经太过年轻，我不知道什么才是对你最好的。现在，我相信你的选择是你认为对你最好的，所以我可以努力学会接受。我不会怪你，而且我也决定祝福了，从没开始的爱情在心里。

180

2009-05-30T02:13:00.008+08:00

2个星期了...从那天你承认你的心里有着另外一个她到现在，已经2个星期了。其实，或许2个星期前，我是应该写出我的感受；但我没有办法......................第一次觉得，即使是要用写出的文字来我表达我的感受，都可以那么难，都可以那么无力.........我想，我真的没有办法用任何的方式说出我的痛，又会有人了解吗?....我知道不会，但是我想试一试用写出来吧，因为我真的快要受不了了。

这2个星期，在别人的眼里，或许可以说在所有人的眼里，我好像已经没事了，好像我很坚强....因为我没有崩溃。我还是让自己过着和平时没有不一样的生活，我努力的让自己活在现在.........甚至有一度我根本连哭都没有。哭不出的眼泪真的很痛，痛得最后也忘了怎么哭.........我是真的坚强吗? 如果是，我不会在打出这一篇的第一个字就有了想哭的冲动。坚强的理由只不过是自己骗自己，面对自己的时候，究竟是要坚强给谁看? 在别人告诉我 “你很坚强”，“你会是坚强的!”，其实我根本没办法相信。这一切，只不过是太伤的后遗症，也就是失去所有的感觉............................

在和你见面之前，我以为已经知道真相的我做好了准备，我以为我可以面对。你终于说出来了；我只能微笑着对你说 “很好啊，恭喜你”。那个微笑，我究竟已经在镜子面前练习多少次，为的就是不想在你面前掉泪。装着没事，我问起了你和她，没想到你所说的每个字竟然不是我能承受的。我依然笑着听你说，可是心早已不能呼吸。我甚至不知道我那2个小时是怎么过的，第一次和你在一起，我有了想快点离开的冲动。我送给你我从台湾带回来的礼物，那对我来说是最后一份礼物.........没想到你会告诉我，我慢了她一步，她早已经送过给你一样的。“你慢了她一步”，这句话真的好痛。那瞬间，我忘了怎么笑，却努力让自己有笑容。那看起来很丑吧....

在你一直逼问下，我告诉了你“他”和我的故事。你可知道，那到底有多痛!?! 我好像同时经历两把刀插在我心里。你什么也没说，可是我真的已经没有了呼吸的力量。你问，都没有再喜欢过人吗? 你还希望我说什么吗? 我拼命摇头说没有，其实也想否定对你的感觉，希望不要那么痛。我从来不知道和你在一起，会有那么让我窒息的时候。终于，我可以离开了。第一次，我向你挥了手说再见，其实或许已经是不见。虽然你没有说要离开我，我已经感到你走了好远。

我以为在面对你的时候，我没有哭就是没事了。可是，说了再见，我竟然就这样坐在那里，甚至当Alicia来找我时，我连站起来的力气都没有。坐在那里，无力得对她说，她却比我先流泪。是好朋友心疼的眼泪吧~我感动，也终于让我心痛的眼泪不受控制的留下。两个傻瓜坐在那里痛苦，看起来或许很傻，但谁也不能否定那是最好的朋友给的安慰。

你对我一直都很重要；甚至到现在也还是。我说过，你比爱情更重要。就算没有了爱情，你还是很重要的。只是，这一切都只能在我心里。我们是最好的朋友，到最后我们都不会失去什么。我们是最后的朋友；这个身份会永远陪你走下去。我只是上了一堂叫做“心痛”的课.... 你最想听到的是我对你的祝福吧，我知道，但是我那时面对你的时候真的真的根本说不出口。如果你必须要有我的祝福才能完整，那我说.....祝你幸福。

不要再叫我加油了，虽然我知道这是你们唯一能对我说的。很谢谢你们，也谢谢你们的陪伴，但是我真的已经没有力气再加油了。放心，未来的日子我会过得很好，我会过得很快乐，但是之后的我不会再一样了。我不会再是原本的我，因为原本的我已经不在了....

179

2009-05-15T00:10:00.006+08:00

Thanks for breaking my heart at this moment.

Thanks for dealing me with this, when i'm supposed to be happy.

Thanks so much.

I know you may not want to hurt me, but you still did it and in the absolute wrong way.

I won't blame you; I can only blame my own stupidity to believe you and your feelings.

I shouldn't had; I can only blame myself for realising my feelings too late.

You could have told me the truth earlier; i wouldn't need to be in this situation so long.

If you think i'm too weak to accept your cruelness, you are so wrong.

I'm stronger than what you think.

I'm not angry that you have a new choice in your life; it's absolutely your right.

but, i'm DISAPPOINTED that you did not make the effort to let me know earlier.

I felt like such a fool, not knowing anything but yet doing so much stupidly.

I didn't want to hate you, for you are that important in my life.

But what you did is totally not acceptable to me, for now.

I know i wouldn't hate you, but for now, I won't look forward for you to contact me.

I don't want to see you, or hear from you.

You absolutely need not worry about me; I will be stronger than what I am now.

Thanks so much ahh, my dear friend.

178

2009-05-14T00:19:00.029+08:00

GRADUATION PHOTOS - 13/5/09

Yeelin, me, Alicia (Y^3)

me and Yeelin

me and Alicia

Alicia and Yeelin

me and Cynthia

Joyce,me, Yeelin

Joyce, me, Yeelin

me and Daniel

Yeelin and Daniel

me and Boon Shuangme and Belinda

Boon Shuang and Belinda

me and yanyan

me and Joyce

InfinitysSabrina and meYeelin and Edame and eda Dad, me, mum
Aunt, me, uncle
Graduation!Diploma Cert

177

2009-05-13T23:53:00.003+08:00

A day of mixed emotions. There are joy and of course, a tweeny bit of sadness to say goodbye to Ngee Ann Polytechnic. Yeah, today is the day of our graduation - HMS Graduation Day! Mummy, Daddy, Aunt and Uncle came to view my graduation ceremony, thanks a lot my love ones!

I started feeling nervous the moment I stepped on the stage, it felt so unrealistic but yet it was real. Shook hand with the director, received the scroll from her and proceeded to get my actual diploma certificate and transcript. All happened in just a few minutes, but behind all these was 3 years of hard work. The smile and glory on our faces was built from the tears we had in that 3 years.

I've finally graduated, no longer a polytechnic student. I'm embarking on to my university path, which certainly will be much much tougher than diploma. Haha, hoping for this day to come since year 3, yet when it finally came true, i did not actually wish to part. Okay, i did feel a bit like crying when viewing the video NP made for us. Hmms, graduation just always set me into the mood of crying, haha.

It felt nice to see my friends again! Took many photos with them!! Well, it's officially the last day. Infinitys, 3A01'09, ECH and NP, i will miss them all dearly! I still remember the first day I entered NP. I was with Joyce and Boon Shuang, as they are the first friends I knew in my class. We entered the school, not knowing what is ahead of us. All the unfamiliar faces set us into a uncertain situation, but eventually all of us became friends and closer friends. Infinitys is formed, and I've known Alicia, whom I am really grateful and glad to have known her. All made a big difference in my life. In a way, they are the important factors that mould me into who I am now. =)

I won't forget choing-ing projects with my groupmates, especially Yanyan, Joyce, Boon Shuang and Daniel (they were with me for the majority of assignments in NP). I won't forget the joking sessions with my group members, I won't forget working on the Action Research with my group members. I won't forget choing-ing project and encouraging each other online with Alicia till midnight. I won't forget the attachment period which most of us were at the peak, and we still gave our greatest encouragements to each other. I won't forget the class assignments we did together (Getz-p and more!) I won't forget chilling with Infinitys at Canteen 1, Canteen 2 and game room. I won't forget the meetings at Blk 52 and library. I won't forget the butter rice and sandwiches from Four Leaves. I won't forget 3A01. I won't forget so much so much......

Okay, just want to say, Happy Graduation to all ECH graduates! We made it to the end! All the best for your future endeavours. =)

Thanks Daniel for the disc, note and gift! Thanks Belinda for the gift! =)

176

2009-05-09T03:47:00.002+08:00

只想说......

放心吧，没事的。现阶段的坚强，无论是伪装还是真实也好，是在努力试着也好，都没有关系。不重要，因为总有一天都会没事的。相信，没事的。

只想说......

哭吧。从来都不觉得眼泪是脆弱的代表，因为相信哭过的天空更蔚蓝。放心的哭吧，
一切都会在哭过之后变得更美丽，变得更懂得坚强。相信，眼泪的存在是为了洗去悲伤。

只想说.......

加油吧! 不是不痛，只是痛得只想让一切回到平静。不是不想念，只是宁愿把想念永永远远留在心里。不是不提起，只是早已失去了提起的必要，因为它并不会改变什么，不会改变你心中的在乎。对吧?

加油! 你会比从前快乐!

这是我要对炎亚纶说的话，也是对我自己说的。我心疼他，心疼我自己，但我知道我们都会没事的。

你希望我画下的是句点，还是逗点? 如果是句点，我想我准备好了，而你不需要心疼我。

175

2009-05-03T03:51:00.007+08:00

Hello people!! I'm back from Taiwan~wow 5 days passed in a blink of eyes! It was my first time traveling overseas with friends (Yeelin, Alicia and Qiu ting), and i just had to say it was GREAT! I enjoyed the company of my friends and Alicia's parents are so nice and funny! Alicia's parents are really good at walking, they can walk the whole day without complaints, and we, young people were so tired to walk!! Haha =P Haha, hmms, I will do update of the events in this post, and I will upload all my photos on FB! Haha, maybe my next post will be some really nice photos!! Do take a look ^^

27/4/09 - Monday

Reached Changi Airport at 6plus in the morning. Haha, Changi Airport is my favourite place in Singapore! Took the plane at 825am and reached Taipei at 1pm. The flight was cool! I watched two movies and listened to songs on the plane! Totally enjoying my time in the plane! After which, we checked in to the hotel - King International which was directly located at Xi Men Ding.
Had our first meal @ Ah Zong Mian Xian! It was ultra nice! Then, we shopped and shopped at Xi Men Ding! I love Xi Men Ding~~~nice place! And know what, the temp that night was only 19 degree! How cool! Thanks dad and mum for sending me off, and Thanks Marvin and Hansong for coming to the airport so early to send us off =)

28/4/08- Tuesday

Woke up in the morning at 830. We had our free breakfast at this restaurant called Taipei Milk King. Nice tuna sandwich and tea~~it was really nice! After that, we went Taipei 101! Another cool place. Flew up to 89th floor in 37 seconds! From the top view, Taipei looked really magnificant and nice! Everything appeared small~ Haha, and after Taipei 101, we went to shop at Wu Fen Pu! Everyone sure know about this famous shopping area right? Haha, over there, there are 1000+ shops!! Too many till we really didn't know what to buy! We were excited initially, but started to get tired and leg aches at the end! And after that, we took the train to Dan Shui! A really beautiful place! I love the night scene but too bad, my camera batt went flat and I couldn't take any photo! We shopped and ate there! Tried a few snacks, and yummmy!! I bought some food and cute baby clothes for my cousin over there!! =D After that, we took the train back to Xi Men, and we bought egg tarts from KFC! Yes! their KFC sold egg tarts! cool right? It was ultra nice! I missssss lahhh! Then, back to hotel! Alicia, Yeelin and me had a nice pillow talk before we slept =)

29/4/09 - Wednesday

It was a one day tour! Oh ya, Alicia's friends came to Taiwan on Tuesday so we went on the one day tour together! How cool right? We were actually under the same agency and stayed in the same hotel! Hmms, the day started with our nice breakfast again, and we took the bus to Zhong Zheng Memorial Hall! Took photos over there only, as we had limited time. After that, we went to the Yuan Shan Da Fan Dian which was built by Song Mei Ling. A nice place, and we were also only allowed to take photos over there! The wind was so strong that, all our photos were taken in messy hair!! Then, we took an hour to travel to Jiu Fen! It is a very special place, and we bought local food over there! Nice nice! Yeelin, Qiu Ting and me actually bought a big box! Shopped around there for an hour.

Then, we proceeded to a place called Ye Liu! wow, the place is seriously great! we saw stones that have funny shapes and really really beautiful sea! Seriously, the pictures can't capture its beauty! I saw the famous Queen Head as well! The wind was super strong that Yeelin and me felt that we would be blown away! Again, our hair was super messy in the photos! After that, went to a place that sells Tian Lu. Then, we went to Hot Spring! It was soooo coool! Alicia, Yeelin and me shared one room and we chatted there! It was so comfortable that I think we slept really well that night! =P After that, we went to Shilin Market! It is another best shopping area! we were so fascinated by the things they have over there! Shopped shoppped shopped till we dropped, and we went back to our hotel!

Reached hotel at around 12am, so we sang Yeelin a birthday song and took photos! Haha, after sleepy Alicia and Qiu ting went back to their room, I passed Yeelin the handmade scrapbook that I did for her and specially brought over to Taiwan so that she can receive on her actual day! Haha happy that she like it, and Lin, hope you did enjoyed ur birthday as it was ur first birthday overseas! =)

30/4/09 - Thursday

Went to the Long Shan Shi, a famous temple in Taipei. It has a history of 200 years! Cool place. Explored there for around 1 hour, and we took train to Xin Dian. We went to Bi Tan, and it has really beautiful scenery too! And know what? For people who watched Er Zuo Ju Zhi Wen would know that it is the shooting scene for the show! wow so cool lorh! I actually went to their shooting scene, the place where Zhi Shu and Xiang Qin dated and married! After that, we had our lunch at this place which sells really good dumplings and soya bean milk! Then, we went to Wu Fen Pu again! Actually, we went there just to pass time, as we wanted to go Shilin Market which is not opened so early. Shopped there for around 2 hours, and we went Shilin. Again, shopped till we dropped!

After that, we went back to hotel as Yeelin intially needed to collect her mua chee at 10pm! we bought A Zong Mian Xian and egg tarts for our dinner, well last night to try them! The 4 of us stayed in our hotel room and watched shows on Channel V like Hei Se Hui, Circus Action and Bang Bang Tang! My favourite shows; I watch them everyday! Think they kinda enjoyed the shows too =) Then we packed our luggage and it was like too many stuffs! Bought a lot for myself and for people! So much! haha, I spent a big bomb there, but it was all worth it! Money can't buy happiness, it doesn't matter spending a bit more but we are happy!! haha thanks Qiu Ting for helping me to pack! She's really a packing luggage expert! haha =P

1/5/09- Friday

Our last day in Taipei! So sad, we did our last shopping in Xi Men Ding! Managed to get couple of stuffs which I didn't managed to get them in the past few days! Am glad that I finally got them! Then, we took the van to Taipei Airport and spent our time in Starbucks Coffee! Tried the Caramel Frappucino that Qiu Ting recommended! Nice! Took the plane at 330pm and reached Singapore at around 8pm! That mark the end of my Taiwan trip!

Haha, I really love the freedom and carefree feeling over there! haha but didn't see my da dong over there =(. haha but i miss there already! I want to go overseas with my friends again! Haha, let's plan one soon! Alicia and me were already thinking of going overseas once a year together! Cool idea~ I can't wait! Haha, a part of me seem to be still in Taiwan. Miss everything over there! Anyway, thanks Alicia's parents for bringing us around!! =)

Overall, TAIWAN is a NICE place!!

And I dread the idea of going back to work again =(

Bye~

174

2009-04-21T01:14:00.006+08:00

其实我很久以前就很想写下这一篇的，只是我不知道应该怎么写下我的心情。

我在你心中重要吗? 我从来不需要怀疑这一点，就像你从来也不用怀疑你在我心中的位置。

对彼此，我们都是重要的，只是很可惜我们都变了。

小学时候，你每一天都会陪我回家，每一天都会打电话给我和我聊天；
好像在那段时间里我的每一天都不曾没有你，而我也存在你的每一天。

那时候，即使太年轻，我们都知道我们是彼此需要。

中学时候，是我们开始明白什么是爱情的时候。你对我的眼神开始有了爱情的成分；
虽然我们不常联络，可是每一次看见你，你都依然温柔，即使我爱的不是你。。。
对我来说，你比爱情更重要，所以不管发生什么事，我都是第一个找你。。。

那时候，即使太年轻，我们都知道我们是彼此依赖。

直到毕业后，我们几乎没有再联络。两年的时间，我们缺席彼此的生命。
渐渐习惯没有彼此，渐渐忘记当初的依赖。。。我们似乎也注定要错过。

直到现在，我也终于明白我们都长大了，我们都懂得怎么去独立生活。
看不见你，看不见我，我们依然可以生活得很好，我们习惯着没有彼此。。。
终于，我明白你不再需要我。。。
终于，你将只是永远在我心中。。
终于，我。。。要走了。

你知道吗? 两年前，我为了他整整哭了3天，每一首歌都有魔力让我流泪
可是，哭完之后，我对他是彻底放弃了。。。
两年后，我为了你哭了1天，一样的听着的每一首歌都有魔力让我流泪
同样的心痛，同样的眼泪；
我知道，这一次我也许是彻底的放弃了。。。

不要问为什么我只为你哭一天，那是因为我真的没有眼泪了。
心都碎了，你还希望我为什么而哭吗?
历史不断重演，我好累。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

你知道吗? 看着你的那一天，我不再有紧张的感觉，好像你真的就只是我的好朋友。
一切对我来说都很平静，好像回到了我没有喜欢你的时候。。。。一切都是平静的。
当我知道我很有可能是放下了你的时候，我的感觉除了心痛，更多的竟然是‘轻松’!

这样也好，因为我已经分不清你是友情，还是错过的爱情。。。。

再见! 我最重要的朋友，相信你永远都是我的好朋友，相信你永远都是对我最重要的。

一起长大的约定，那样真心；我陪你走到了你的20岁。其实如果可以，我也真的希望。。。

我可以陪你走过更多的20年。

可是也许。。。

大学时候，我们一切重新开始。。。。

173

2009-04-12T00:12:00.006+08:00

BEWARE OF LONG POST!!!

Okay, I have made my payments to SIM today~ my cousins and mummy pei me go, haha and was so shocked to see so many people at the counter waiting for their turns to make payment for UOL! So actually, there are still a lot of people who had applied for UOL despite their high level of difficulty. Anyway, my place in SIM is confirmed! Yay!! Basically, I am a student of University of London - Bachelor in Management now, should everything went smoothly!

Asked the person about the procedures that I need to go through if I choose to transfer to RMIT should they accept me, and it really gave me a BIG headache. There's so much complicated stuffs I would have to do, if i want to transfer to RMIT when I am enrolled into UOL now. Woah, headache lah! My cousin said they deliberately make transfer to another insituition (although it's both within SIM) so hard and complicated, so that people will not choose to transfer, lols. Haha, I am already thinking of just staying on in UOL since I am enrolled in it now. I hate the thought of going through so much hassle and pain to transfer to RMIT!

Well, univerisity enrolment drained my energy! I really only wish to just go through it once! Actually, I should have confidence in myself! Although UOL is tough, I should not be beaten down at the very first step! I should believe in myself that I can do it, since i'm full time! I can do it derh!! haha at the thought of this, I'm not that scared of studying in UOL now. Perhaps ultimately, I will still choose to stay on =) Shall see how bah. =)

And most importantly....Congrats to myself!!! You really have to work hard for yourself now! =)

After making payments to SIM, we went to Ngee Ann because my younger cousin want to look for the location where she will be having her HMS camp next monday. haha, she is in Early Childhood Education too. Follow my footstep, haha. Anyway, we went to eat at Makan place and walked around at NP. It brought back memories, and suddenly I realised I actually miss NP quite a lot. Graduation ceremony is coming, looking at the convention hall, I had the feel that I might cry that day, It's just amazing at the fact that we actually survived through the torturous 3 years! It's both touching and sad at the same time.

Just wanna say.....BYE NGEE ANN! THANKS NGEE ANN! You gave me the opportunity to mature and grow up! I have learnt a lot of beneficial things that determine who i am today, Looking back, I am definitely different from who I was before i came in. I will still continue to learn and grow up in another chapter of my life =)

Hmms, okay back on the update! After NP, went to Tiong Bahru Plaza POSB Bank to get a bank draft to pay to UOL in pounds! WoW...56 pounds equivalent to SG 135 bucks! Immediately deduct 135 from my a/c~~so heartpain!! Although I will be reimbursed by my mum soon, but it just sucks to see my money decreasing when actually I am working so damnnnnn hard!! when will my pay come in lah!! In one day, inclusive of fee payments, close to 5000 bucks fly away~~~

Well, after that went to Bugis with my cousins to get their stuffs and later proceeded to Plaza Singapura to look for stuffs and ultimately bought a cake there for my little cousin's birthday! I did have a share worh! It rained so heavily that we had to take a cab home! haha, had a little celebration for him, and I had to say Macha Macha Cake from Breadtalk is not bad! It's green tea + red bean flavour, quite nice. Suitable for people who love to take sweet food =D

Done so much things in a day....which means I am really tired now! Okay, shall end off now! NIGHTS!! Take Care pple!

172

2009-04-10T20:35:00.003+08:00

Hello! Haha, many people had been saying i'm not updating! haha, I guess I'm really so lazzzzy that people had to keep reminding me that my blog has been left aside for sooo long! haha, okay lah, I have a lot to update on as well! April and May seem to be very eventful!

Hmms, first of all, my taiwan trip with Alicia and Yeelin is confirmed! We are leaving on the 27 April and back on the 1 May! It's paid and confirmed! 700+, but I think it's worth it, cuz i'm going with my besties! Haha, my grad trip! The flight is super early, but I am so excited!! Seriously can't wait for it!! =D I can forsee I would come back with full luggage, I am so going to buy buy buy there! It's my real holidays!! =P

Haha, been really busy with work these days. Seriously, working 9 hours everyday at childcare is really not easy. But being an assistant teacher is certainly much more relaxed than a teacher, so I am really okay with my job. Just that it gets really tiring at times, becuz it requires full concentration and attention. No mistake is allowed. I love my children really! So adorable and lovely! Zachary, Chloe, Reagan, Kesler...muacks!! They will be the most unbearable love of mine when I leave bah =P But one good news is that, I'm on leave from 20th april to 5 May! one week for my rest, and one week for Taiwan! I can finally go on a real holidays and rest properly, ever since the unofficial grad!!

20 April! Please come faster, would you?? =)

Okay, another big news~ I've been provisionally accepted into SIM- University of London, Management course! Still need to go through some really complicated procedures to RELC but it shouldn't be a problem. The place is basically secured. Haha I need to pay a fee close to $5000 to SIM tmr to confirm my place, so ex!! But at least, I have a place in uni now =). UOL is so early, I am told that i would only get notification at early may but I received their letter at end March! haha but it's good news too! Yup, I am enrolled into the Management course, but after a talk with my cousin, I feel that Accountancy is a better path for me. Will try to transfer at the later part when they open for transfer =)

Anyway, I did applied for RMIT- Accountancy too. RMIT is an australia university partnered in SIM. Still waiting for their notification in June =) Shall see how it goes. If given both UOL and RMIT, I will choose RMIT because UOL is 100% exam based. I wonder if I am up to it, but no matter where am I, I know I am going to do my very best and will come to the very end, like how I survived through the ech course! =) Let's rejoice for me getting into UOL now! Yeah!!

Hmms....okay, one last big news!! my graduation ceremony is on the 13 May! Woah, my poly life is officially coming to an end on this day! It's 3 years, 3 long years.....I am so gonna miss my friends! My parents are coming to the ceremony to witness this milestone of my life...and you =) You made me a promise that you will come, and you would never know how touched I felt then. I know it may be hard for you to come, but no matter if you will attend that day, your promise had already meant everything. Thanks =)

P.S: Sorry for this long and naggy post!

171

2009-03-08T15:34:00.003+08:00

Haha okok, i've heard your scream! I know lazy me had not updated for one whole month! LOL, am really tooo busy! Well, but for my small sotong, Alicia, I am going to write a long update for her to read before she leave for YEP! Haha, I promise I will update more often too lahhh! hahaha

Hmms, since the unofficial graduation from Ngee Ann, rested for only about 2 weeks and I started work as an assistant teacher in Little Skool House, OCBC Centre. Started work for around 2 weeks le, though really tiring but I have to say I am enjoying my times with the toddlers! They are really super cute! I realised it's such a big big difference working with toddlers and kindergarten children! Toddlers never failed to put on a smile on my face with their smiles, hugs and funny actions, whereas kindergarten children sometimes really made me feel very stressed out. I feel I very much prefer working with the toddlers! The coolest thing is that, in these 2 weeks, I have learnt many things which I never knew how to do so. I think I can be a great mummy from all these experiences, haha! I've learnt to change diapers for them (with them standing up, not lying down), bathing them and making milk powder for them!

But quite a stressful thing is that, my supervisor made me and Eda decorate the home corner which is open to all ages in the centre for the upcoming open house. I feel like I'm back to field practicum which I was required to set up learning corners! I simply feel this way, but it's good to have two hands rather than on my own. But still. it's rather stressful! I think the main reason is due to the lack of time. With only 2 weeks to decorate, and we only had about half an hour to do so during lunch hour, and we ended work at 7pm!every single day! I hope the condition of our decorations can be maintained nicely as it is open to all classes, haha! Anyway, it's coming to an end soon! We are pretty much finished with our job, and I'm quite pleased with the decorations. Jia you!

Apart from the home corner, I think I enjoy my job~ It's really a different feeling working with the toddlers now. I don't hope to change class! haha, and the pay is hmms....high! haha, jia you!! oh ya! I have a really cute boy in my class, and he's Zachary (Zac Zac). He's the favourite of all teachers, and I really love him! Super cute! =D He's only 2 years old and I once taught him to call me Teacher Xinyi, and he said Teacher Yi Yi! haha! Hope I will continue to enjoy my work for the following months!

Results gonna be released on the 20th March and this will officially end my journey in Ngee Ann Polytechnic! Till now, I really couldn't quite accept the fact that ohh, 3 years have passed just like that! Well, a chapter closed, and a new chapter shall begin! =) Speaking of that, I met up with my polytechnic bestie, Alicia ytd! I always love chatting with her and I did a little shopping as well. Girl, do take care on ur YEP trip! 2 weeks isn't long, but not short either! Waiting for you to come back soon! haha =P

Oh ya, another thing, Taiwan trip! I am really looking forward to it, you know! hahaha I want to have fun, I want to spend splendid time with friends, and I want to take a short break from work! This time round, should be going together with my friend's parents as my parents objected to me going alone with friends as they don't feel safe. But nevertheless, it's still fun going with friends! hahaha, most probably leaving at the end of April! Come faster, would you???
Haha =P

P.S: YeeLin, meet up soon okay? Miss ya lots!! =D

170

2009-02-10T02:07:00.001+08:00

Hello! Actually there's nothing much to blog, but I just got the feeling to do so. So, let this post be just a random post. Sometimes, we don't need a reason to blog yea?

Hmms, okays. School had ended, no more tension and stress due to projects. Goodness, 200+ projects all cleared. It ought to be a really joyous moment, we should all rejoice for this long awaited moment, the moment where there is nothing but PLAY!

But I don't know why. With nothing on hand, with no assignments on the waiting list, I feel a sense of lost. Lost, in the sense of "what am i going to do?" It just feel kind of weird to stop and realise there's really nothing for you to do when you had been rushing in and out for assignments, lesson plans, attachment etc for 3 years! It's just...kind of odd.

But anyway, to celebrate the completion of our BIG IEP, we decided we need a celebration!Haha, so me, Yanyan (our wonderful group leader), Boon Shuang and Daniel went to catch a movie at Shaw on thursday, 5/2/09 (Joyce wasn't there due to some personal stuffs.) Before that, we went for lunch at Dong Hai restaurant (Eastern Sea??), a restaurant which Yanyan frequents and she totally love the food there! But well, the food are really nice! The custard bun especially!

Then, the movie! We watched Bride Wars! Haha, our dear daniel enjoyed the movie, yea he's our beloved sister, no doubt! But something funny happened, Boon Shuang actually booked our seats at the very last row, which was like super super FAR from the screen! I gurantee you, that the screen is really very far. All of us were really laughing, and decided to move ourselves to the middle row as there's not much people at that time. Thank goodness, the seats that we shifted ourselves to were really NOT occupied, if not it would be so damn "throw face".

Haha, and our group leader actually suspected that we bought the wrong tickets, because she noticed uncles and aunties coming into the cinema ALONE! Yup, we didn't see wrongly, and we bought the right tickets! Uncles and aunties do watch bride wars! And seriously, the movie is not bad! Quite funny! After that, Dan had to leave for his thing, and the rest of us went Far East and Taka to shopppppp! I bought a pair of shoes and 2 necklaces! Kept being psycho-ed by Yanyan to purchase things, and I realised I need a lot of self-restrain when shopppping! That ends our day on 5/2/09 but I really love my group members!! =D

On 7/2/09, Sat, Alicia and me finally went to Kbox to destressssss, after like so long. Hahas, had our lunch at Pizza Hut and it was nice. Not mentioning the food, but it was NICE chatting with her! I'm really sure that, she is definitely one of those people in my life that i'll never forget. Of cuz, Neo Yee Lin too! Y3 is only complete with the 3 of us! hahas, then to Kbox! It was nice!! Singing is always a great form of fun and destress for me! But not good for that day, as I have cough and sorethroat, which makes singing really tough for me! wahahahas.

But nevertheless, love my bestie! and I wanna a movie date with her!!

Okay, just to talk a bit on serious matter which is bothering me pretty much and I doubt this worry will end all the way until May. University Application!! I've applied for SIM (UOL and RMIT), and had just submitted online applications for NUS and NTU. Just left sending the documents over and I'm quite done with local uni applications! But most importantly, the last document I have to send over is the final semester result!

People always say, cert is just a piece of paper but why is that people are doing so much and paying so much in fact for this piece of paper? This proves something, Singapore society needs this paper! But it is putting on so much stress to its people! Stress over admission, stress over curriculum, and stress over completing the course. and what's next? stress over getting a job.

I conclude that living in singapore isn't easy, surviving is even harder. Oh ya, I conclude application to uni isn't easy as well. whole lot of things to do, headache. Hopefully all my applications are smooth! Well, for now, I wouldn't hope getting into local uni through direct admission. It just isn't quite possible. Appeal? Hopefully, but possibility may not be big either. I will just hope for getting into SIM. Friends, if you see this post, please kindly pray for me! haha

And next up, is getting a job soon! and Taiwan trip!!

169

2009-02-03T21:18:00.002+08:00

Haiis, the suay-est thing to happen! I have been having fever for 7 days! it's 7 days!! I never had fever for so long. It's like keep coming back after it subsides. Panadol and medicine doesn't work at all. Going to see doc AGAIN now, hope everything is fine!

168

2009-02-03T20:58:00.004+08:00

LIST OF ASSIGNMENTS

1) IEP research journal - 31st October 2008
2) AYC 1200 record(Indi) -04th November 2008.
3) EOP job application(indi) -10th November 2008
4) AMPYC 1000 words(indi)- 11th November 2008
5) ASLEC GETZP implementation -13th November 2008
6) OB/HRM grp-12th November 2008/21st November 2008/04th February 2009
7) IEP implementation -10 Nov-Dec 2008
8) EOP job interview -27th November 2008
9) ASLEC 1500 words(Grp) -03th December 2008
10) AMPYC 1200 words(indi)- 09th December 2008
11) EOP letter writing-11th December 2008
12) OB/HRM journal- 06th January 2009
13) EOP Brochure writing(grp) -09 January 2009
14) AYC 1500 record(Grp)- 13th January 2009
15) OB/HRM reflection -.14th January 2009
16) ASLEC 1200 words(Indi).21st January 2009
17) IEP poster -23th January 2009
18) AMPYC 1800 words(Grp) -29th January 2009
19) EOP brochure- 29th January 2009
20)IEP final report.2nd February 2009

Woah!! This is REALLY the amount of assignments that we had for this whole semester (which is approximately only around 4 months). AND this doesn't include all the MEL assignments and reflections, whatsoever! And the IEP implementation is 6 weeks to be exact! I'm so proud that we as a grp, had managed to complete all these together!

There were tough times, there were stressful times, there were siao times and of cuz happy times! But I am glad that we never did gave up! We pulled it through!! Pple, I'm proud of you!!

Finally coming to an end that I have to say goodbye to Ngee Ann, a place that I have been in for 3 years. As much as I want to deny, NP had really made me feel bu she de....afterall, it's 3 long years! Graduating soon le, venturing into another chapter of my life. I will JIA YOU!

Word of thanks:

DANIEL, YANYAN, BOON SHUANG and JOYCE! Thanks for being such great members. It's never a worry working with you all. I agreed with what Ms Joan said, we are a good group!

YEELIN and ALICIA! Thanks for being such a great friend and support to me. Honestly, the two of you supported me through my toughest times in this course. You two would really be someone i will never ever forget. I'm so thankful for this wonderful friendship! Y3 rocks!! Keep in touch promise? ^^

A01: to me, A01 is really the best class! I'm so thankful that i'm in this class!!! A01 rocks all the way!!

INFINITYS! This group has been together for 3 years, it wasn't long but it wasn't short either. Although there may be some disagreements at times, but there's many happy times too! And i'm glad for the fact that INFINITYS still stay as a group! =)

167

2009-01-18T16:02:00.010+08:00

YEAH! 17 Jan 2009 mark the birth of my pretty LG Viewty KU990~

Hahaas, gotten back my Sony Ericsson W760i from the service centre and decided to sell it because i reckon that it won't last long le, even the person told me to extend for one more year of warranty cuz it may not last long. Hahas, so on sat, my cousin, my brother and me headed down to Chinatown to sell my phone; I went there because my another cousin told me that Chinatown offered a higher price but no lehs! They either offer me the same price as M1 or just 10dollar more~~~

Then OK lorh, I went to this M1 exclusive distriubtor @ Pearls' Centre and told the person that I want to sell my phone and sign for a new phone. I asked for a Samsung F480, and the people there are really weird lorh! Keep saying that my bro's plan is the old one and cannot sign for the F480, and said that if I want to keep the plan (which is cheaper), I have to top up additional 100dollars, or else buy an empty phone will be better. I was like HELLO, i wouldn't spend nearly 400 on a phone lah!

I told my cousin that I feel weird becuz I signed my w760i with my dad's plan which is also the old one, so I don't think it matters whether it's SunTalk or SunSaver/SunMax. They mean the same thing! I suggested going to a M1 boutique to ask, the nearer one will have to be Bugis Junction. I asked the person @ M1 if I can sign up F480 with the current plan my bro is holding, and he said YES! We immediately concluded that it's still better going to a M1 boutique!!!

But, I was still contemplating between Samsung F480 and LG Viewty. Both of them look equally nice, quality equally good to me BUT the difference is $110! I asked the staff at counter who served me whether these two have any main difference, and she replied "eh....no eh. they have similiar functions"and I asked again, "Are the quality equally good?". She replied YES.

Haha, with no much difference, I might as well get LG! Though I heard comments about LG, but I still like the phone anyway~ With the trade in of my phone, I only need to top up $38!! Thanks mum, kor and jie!! Hehe but the bad thing is there's no PINK or WHITE! I'm quite sadded~~~ but nvm lahs, black is also nice! =D I'm still not quite used to using a Touch-screen phone ehh...wahahahs.

I LOVES MY LG VIEWTY KU990!

165

2009-01-11T00:30:00.003+08:00

I chopped away my hair, as a significance to chop away my feelings for you.

I know it doesn't work this way, but who cares. I felt alot better and lighter after the hair left me to the ground.

If you are thinking why for the word "chop", see it from the hairdresser's comment.

"do you want me to bundle your lost hair for you to keep as souveneir?"

My feelings for you will leave soon, very soon.

You answer, postive or negative till date is not important. Not important, when I'm already dealt with such hurt. I do understand your difficult position, I do understand your difficult position does not refer to not having the feelings; but my understanding couldn't support me anymore. The word struck me too badly.

Goodbye.

164

2009-01-10T01:48:00.000+08:00

heart officially pronounced dead.

163

2009-01-06T23:59:00.000+08:00

原来装着没事，并不会真的就会没事
原来装着不痛，并不会真的就会不痛

事实上，真的好痛，痛得流不出眼泪。

痛的是，你不懂得我们之间的默契。

你知道吗? 要我对你说出那些话已经真的真的非常需要用勇气，
毕竟，要受过伤害的人再次面对爱情真的很不容易。。。。。
可惜，你根本一点也不知道。

我以为即使我不把喜欢说出口，以我们的默契，你是会明白的，
可是我们的默契却因为你显得好脆弱，你真的不懂。。。。。

你真的不懂，这对我来说有多么不容易，多么心痛。

我已经没有勇气，也没有力量再待在这里，守护我以为的爱情。

我想，我真的需要离开，可是你要知道。。。

离开比留下更需要勇气。

162

2009-01-04T21:33:00.002+08:00

The day with you was really great. You always made me feel so cared for with you, but do you know that...I never failed to feel unsecure when we parted. Perhaps you could not understand my feelings from what was written to you, but this is really the best I can do, for the reason that I really really am not a direct person. I chose to write to you in the way that I felt that it was the closest to my true self. I think, only in that way, I will feel more at ease bah. It may not be really obvious, but it was all what I truly meant. If you really do understand me, If you really do love me....you will understand that all the words are from my heart.

If with the song, xi huan yi ge ren de xin qing, you still do not get what I want to say, I really do not know what more can I do. I had really did my best for you, I couldn't go further than this. I do not know whether there will be this day that I get to know your true feelings, you may not give me a reply after all. I promised myself that I will let this end before I graduate, if by then, there's no reply from you...sorry, it's time for me to leave you.

But...just want to say, no matter what decision it may be, I still love you.

Did I do the right thing? I really don't know.

161

2008-12-19T01:29:00.002+08:00

最近在看，也很喜欢的戏剧就是炎亚纶和鬼鬼演的 <霹雳MIT>。这是一部关于天才侦探的戏剧。真的很好看~ 想当然，这位天才侦探就是炎亚纶啊。
一开始就满喜欢炎亚纶的我，看了这部戏的感觉是对他更喜欢，也更心疼。我想，没有人会比他更适合演MIT的男主角 - 007 詹士德吧。007冷静的外表下，藏着一颗不为认知的脆弱心灵。有时看着看着，我都不知道看的那个人是007还是炎亚纶。因为同样的，亚纶那看似帅气冷酷的外表下是存在着多么令人心碎的人生经历。我想，原本就很忧郁的亚纶，因为007而变得更忧郁了吧。。。只是他一向都不愿意向别人承认自己的脆弱，所以总是阳光着。到底是一个怎么样的人生经历会让一个22岁的男孩变得如此忧郁? 这其中的绝大部分的原因不是人人口中的“想太多”，而是真的体验过对人类的失望。我想我之所以会因为007而更喜欢亚纶，是因为我看到了更真实的炎亚纶。炎亚纶，我想我能够真的认同你的心情，因为我也正在经历。

有很多人会说，为什么他总是轻易流泪，轻易感伤。人生有必要那么灰暗吗? 但我想如果你是他，你或许根本会比他更来得脆弱。他其实是坚强的，坚强得让人觉得到底你的心里隐藏了什么。在一个人的人生中，短短的3年陆续失去身边最在乎的人；前女朋友，好朋友，外公。如果是你，会怎么样呢? 所以别再说，他的眼泪是轻易流下的，那并不是。那是需要经历多少心碎的眼泪。我相信20岁之前的亚纶和一般年轻人是没什么不同的；青春，阳光用在他身上曾经那么适合。脆弱的不是亚纶的性格，脆弱的是环境，是这个世界。这个世界是脆弱的可能下一秒就会改变，任何人都阻止不了。

我不再相信这个世界。16岁以前的我也是一样快乐；就算身边有一些让我很不开心的事也没让我对这个世界，对人类失去信任和希望。没有，不过16岁以后的我改变了。你们可以说是成长；我无所谓。什么原因都好，也不能否认我的确变了的事实。这3年里，经历了太多太多；一个朋友的离去让我觉得原来永别可以那么靠近，不再是遥远的，甚至曾经和你很要好，和你一起长大的一些人都是可以毫无预兆的变得陌生。两年前爸爸的住院和经济负担让我瞬间长大；让我明白即使我多么想过得简单，我也没有办法放下一切过得简单，因为我的家里在未来是需要我的，因为这样所以在朋友强调简单生活的时候，我知道我不能简单。要怎么让我的家过得好才更重要吧。。。

其实，对于未来除了期待，我更多的是无奈和害怕吧。

世界和环境一直不断的改变我们；但至少我还有力量维持坚强。我会努力加油! 就算是自己一个人，也要坚强! 不管是大东或是亚纶，让我一样认同和喜欢的就是他们在面对别人时的坚强，可是也有勇气面对自己的脆弱。他们不怕流下被男人认为最珍贵的眼泪，因为他们知道流过的泪是一种提醒，提醒着他们哭过以后会更坚强。勇敢面对自己的伤口，再勇敢的站起来，其实他们的眼泪很有意义喔~

要看霹雳MIT @ Mysterious Incredible Terminator!

160

2008-12-15T23:28:00.003+08:00

Hi pple, before I disappeared for don't-know-how-many-donkey-years, I will update! Hmms, so holidays had finally arrived after so much anticipation! I'm really in this holiday mood now, not wanting to do anything else! But finally, IEP implementations are over, let's hope market research will be over soon too, and please no hiccups! Being leader for a major assignment is really a sian thing, but not knowing why, the process of conducting market research kind of interest me a little (except for the survey-ing). =P oh ya, IEP supervision is a huge success too! My intervention 4, though not really that great, but ended pretty well too! Lots of assignments to be done, but hey...where's the mood??

Been thinking through really alot too. Got a lot of things wanna express, but I totally don't know where to start like seriously. Hmms, I still thinks words are better expressed using chinese; chinese holds more meaningful words....but then, I'm lazy to type in chinese. So pardon me, you may not understand what I am talking about. .... know what? I really hate missing someone! It's so painful and I don't feel like myself at all! I didn't used to miss you that much, I didn't used to realise your importance that much, I didn't used to wanting to talk to you that much, I didn't used to look forward to your sms that much, I didn't used to anticipate seeing you that much. For all the past 12 years, I didn't used to experience all that! It was you, who experienced. And now, i very much knows how it feels like now! And yes, it is a total sucky feeling!

Not that I didn't experienced missing and liking someone before, I did and was rather a memorable one. But the feeling was so different. Why different? Because you were the one who showered me with love and concern each time I looked into your eyes, because you were the one who understands me, because you were the one who never failed to be there, because you were the one who care about me more than anybody else did....because you ARE the one now.

I don't know whether you will still be what you used to be, but I do still feel your love and concern, I do still feel that you care alot...each time I feel that I'm not important to you, you gave me a message, a simple one but at the right moment. Just a message for me to know that you remembers me. Each time I need comfort, your message came in. Why? Just so for me to know how you feel. If yes, why do I still feel so unsecured.

will you still be there each time I need you? I know it isn't your fault that you couldn't be here, but I need the sense of assurance. Sorry that I couldn't give you my whole trust, make it this way...the one that I couldn't trust is myself. I don't have the confidence that after 12 years, you will still love me like you used to, I don't have the confidence that you will always be here like what you used to say.

Life is so much like a drama~ this is a true saying. For someone I onced like so much, so much that I thought I would never like anybody else that much, I gave up you and you were hurt. After 6 years, that guy hurt me so badly and left. We weren't together, yes we weren't but the pain was not any lighter. Could you ever imagine someone you like so much telling you to give up and not wait anymore. It was a true stab at the heart, but through this stab, I finally saw your true heart, finally understood that the only person who will stay is you....finally realised that perhaps you meant the most afterall. I was too young to understand this back then.

But things changed. You've been hurt, so were i. Two persons who had been hurt so terribly before, could never said the true words again. Those innocent but very true confessions, I will never hear from you again. Your heart didn't change, I know that. But I know better, your heart has a wound unhealed.

Should i tell you? What if it means I gonna lose you?

Mash Game: Predict Your Future at eSPIN-the-Bottle

2008-11-23T22:39:00.001+08:00



		I will marry 5.
		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in Taiwan in our fabulous House.
		We will have 7 kid(s) together.
		Our family will zoom around in a Pink Mini Cooper (red).
		I will spend my days as a Administrative, and live happily ever after.

158

2008-11-19T03:00:00.003+08:00

I should be sleeping at this wee hour of 3am. I should be sleeping to be prepared for the pre-test tmr. I should be sleeping to wake up at 9 tmr. So many "I should...", but I am not. Writing, is the thing I am most proud of because I always believed that only through words, I am able to reveal my truest feeling for I am never one that can speaks well. Through writing, I see my true self....and only the words I wrote touches people. But now, I find it so hard to pen down my feelings, even typing on msn seems such a chore to me.

Something unpleasant happened just now; it was not on deliberate but it still causes unhappiness. WHY only unhappy things come to me....I know the planning is frustrating and I'm the only one out of the four to be here on msn; I don't seem to fit when we are a group. I wanted to comfort Lin but I could say nothing. Nothing....I didn't know what to say. I feel bad, and I feel sad. I lost my ability to speak out, and now I am losing my ability to write as well. This shouldn't be happening. Nevertheless, I hopes tmr will turn out to be a nice day despite all the unpleasant stuffs.

......I shall end here. My post is getting shorter huh. LOL, to myself.

P.S: Yeeling, I really miss you so much. Today's meet up was a nice one. Your company makes me feel so much at ease. Thanks for letting me believe that true friendship really exists in this world. I have a really true friendship that has no doubts with you. 7 years ago, we met and became the bestest friends. Now, we are all grown up and things may change. But, the true belief that was established 7 years ago remains still and may it be forever.

157

2008-11-12T22:51:00.003+08:00

Hihi, I had been reminded by people that my blog was not updated for a very long time. Yeah, I do remember my blog, but just that I don't know what to update on. Busy with assignment is part of the reason; but not totally. Life is very monotonous for now; I don't even feel any emotions now. Just empty and emptier. Everyday go school and go home with the same emotion throughout. Sooner or later, I'll become someone who is so calm abt everything.

I know people will say "hey, why so emo? why like this?" haha, exactly i don't know why either. It's really not what I wanted; I tried to be high or act high, but it always doesn't last. I want to be high too, but what's the purpose for appearing high if you actually are not? Haiyo!! I wanna be happy, I need to be happy....but looking at the mirror, it tells myself "you are smiling, but your heart isn't". Sad isn't it? But that's life. I know you ought and have the responsibility to make your life happier, but....I don't know how to right now. Anyway, life isn't bad, life is going on pretty well...just not on the emotions part.

For this period of time, I kept having this feeling that I'm gonna lose my control of emotions very soon. Each time, I got myself to cool down and control control! Sorry friends, if ever on msn, I complaint abt this and that, thanks for listening though. Too much have been happening these few years, so much so that I'm becoming a changed person. A change that couldn't be revert.

I missed someone who's important a few years ago, and it was a wrong decision back then. I let him go, hurt him so badly....but i thought it was for his own good. This decision made the both of us so tong ku now....not knowing each other's thoughts, not knowing how to express. Everything is unsaid and unknown. I know it's my fault back then, but why should i suffer all these so terribly now. I let you go particularly because I wanted the best for you, but now it seems like I deserved to be hurt. Seriously...this can't be carrying on. Enough of this guessing game, would you? Just tell me, what do you actually want? If you said you don't need me, this can end here. I need a new start, really.

And one more thing, alicia is not going to be on msn or blogging for dunnoe how long. I understand what she's feeling now; she needs a break for all these. Sometimes I feel like maybe I should take a break from all internet communication too, but her absence made me felt more lost. One less person to turn to now. Alicia, please come back!!

And thanks, yeelin for just being here. I know sometimes my emotionless feeling sian-ed you, but haha, I'm really happy happy to have you. Your presence always made me feel much better; really...just the presence alone works. Thanks lots, mama!

Yi, you need to be strong and survive through this semester! I hope one day, you will find back all your emotions, all the things that worth u being happy about, and all the things about yourself! Jia you!

156

2008-10-12T22:31:00.004+08:00

Hi people, another update! Oh ya, forgot to mention in my previous post. Mr Marvin gave me and Vanessa a BIG lollipop on friday too. Hahas, I thought he was joking all the while. LOL, THANKS ah =D. Hmms, I had a wonderful 19th birthday this year. THANKS people...but really, I felt OLD! Erm, sorry if i left out any thanks, but I really appreciate all!

School gonna start tmr. Haiis...why do i feel so old ah? LOLS. The thankful thing for school is that on tuesday and friday, I'm released at 1pm! Hahas, though there's no off day, but 1pm is better than nothing le lahhs. Though I can forsee that I will have to stay back in school for most of the days....why? PROJECTS lorh! Noe what? In these 3 years, I have done nearly 100 assignments, if you count ard average 30 assignments per sem!

Well, good luck people! =D

You said that wo bu dong ni de xin. This sentence really struck me hard. Is it true that all these 12 years, I don't understand what you actually need. Sorry, only now that I realise how hard is it on you to stay by my side as a good friend all these years. But, really, It pains me very much when u said, wo bu dong ni de xin. I have to admit that you are right, there are too many blanks between us. So much that....I really don't know what to say anymore.

155

2008-10-12T00:36:00.003+08:00

Hi people, hahas, time for some updates. Hmms, I have to track all the way back to last tuesday. Hmms...please read on, gonna be a rather long post too. =P

On the 7th Oct, Tues, I met up with Alicia for lunch at Pizza Hut and movie; Painted Skin. Yea, i watched it twice! I talked a lot to her, and I felt so much better after that. Hahas, my soulmate. Hmms, Painted Skin is actually not a bad movie, but for twice, I almost fell asleep at the middle part. But, the last part was exciting. Hahas, Oh yea, received a present from Alicia too! Thanks for the presents. Nice necklace which symbolise Y^3 and star earring! after that, she gotta leave to meet her friends for dinner =) wonderful day, small sotong!

On the 8th Oct, Wed,I met up with my 2 cousins; Ah boy and Shimin for dinner. It was a dinner treat by Ah boy for my belated birthday. We ate at New York New York @ Citylink. The food was really nice, but reall sinful too! Hello, I need to lose weight yea...hahas, I had cheesy chicken, ah boy had pizza and shimin had Hawaii teriyaki chicken. I still think mine is the best. HAHAS, and after the meal, we had free candy floss by the shop. Really nice! Well, so long since I had eaten candy floss! It's another 60plus dollar treat...hmms...expensive! And my dear cousin, shimin gave me a present. It's a princess photo frame. Nice! I put my photo with Yeeling in that =) THANKS AH BOY AND SHIMIN! =)

On the 9th Oct, Thurs, I met up with Yeelin to visit Marvin in the afternoon. We went to Tiong Bahru Plaza to buy cookies and his favourite green tea for him, but we didn't know that he can't eat them. hahahs, nvm, his motivation to recover faster so tt he can eat them! hahaas. Being 2 "road idiots", we had a hard time finding his block, but clever me still found it in the end! HAHA Han song was there when we reached. He's a nice friend..hmms. Yahs, Mr. Marvin is discharged today, but Tweety ma, get well soon! haha =P After the visit, me and Yeelin went to walk around in Bugis, took neoprints and had dinner at Mac'donald. She got to leave to meet her lemon after a short while, and tada, home sweet home for me!

On the 10th Oct, Fri, it was a steamboat dinner & Turf City. Been really long since I last went there, hello, it was 2 years ago! I met up with Vanessa, Belinda and Yeelin at Clementi Mrt and we took the shuttle bus there. Nice meeting up with the YEP people, hahas. The next table had a lot of commotion due to the oil, hmms, me and Vanessa felt safer at our table hahas. Around 9plus, Vanessa and me had to leave. They gave us presents, and I felt so touched! I love every one of the presents! It's a nice shirt which they said want to match my style last sem (LOL), a necklace, and a board! The board is made by my darling, JUNE with messages written by them and photos! I'm especially touched by the board! The presents are soo great! THANK YOU VERY MUCH people, for the presents, and SORRY for the wait! =P Yah, home sweet home!

On the 11th Oct, Sat, firstly, it's my sweet bestie, Yee Ling's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! 19 years old le horh, old le! Hope you had a nice day! Hmms, went to my grandma house. Nothing much to do, so I surfed net and chatted on MSN with my laptop. Helped my little cousin with his homework. And, in the evening, met up with my aunt with my little cousin for dinner. Her treat for my belated birthday! Yeah! Another 50dollar treat...We had Japanese food at a restuarant. Nice food, esp the sashimi! Yupyup, and tada, home sweet home!!

Sorry, didn't post up pictures of the presents, but it will be soon! I need time!!

hais....BIG hais...a day to sch reopening. Not that i hate school, but the fact that, the date of me not being a student anymore is drawing very near once school reopen! I don't want, I don't want....I want to be a student forever, the best full-time occupation!

BYE~

154

2008-10-06T15:56:00.018+08:00

Hello! Time for some updates! Last week was spent with warmth and happiness! Thanks everybody for the wishes, celebration and presents! I really appreciated it, and felt really touched! =) XIE XIE!! Hmms, I would update on the celebrations, but hey, it could be a long post, HAHA! =P

1/10/2008

Met up with yeelin and Alice for dinner @ Crystal Jade. Had a very full dinner with all the delicious food! Yummmy! After that, the 3 of us went to Mac Cafe to have a chat. My two lovely girls surprised me lorh! They went to buy food, and came back with a cake + 3 Double Chocolates. I thought the cake was Alicia's, and I asked her "WOW, u still can eat worh?" Then she said, "no ahs, it's yours". Hahas, was surprised, and they sang me birthday song! Asked me to blow out "candles" (their fingers) and made a wish, HAHA! Thanks girls, u are really sweet! Love you very much! we chatted alot and I feel really xing fu! Got such besties with me. my birthday was nice and great just by having them!
2/10/2008

Haha, my birthday!! Went to watch the movie with my cousin, Jessie~ Woot! The movie was great! Not bad lahhs, Louis Koo is shuai! After which, I met up with Vanessa, Astra, Yeelin and Belinda to have dinner @ Swensen's. It's really a great meet up! love them! We chatted, and they surprised me and Vanessa with ice cream (candles on top). Cool right? Hahas, then took pictures. After that, we headed to Esplanade and took MORE pics! Home sweet home, but it's really happy! =) Thanks!! I only had a few pics with me, need to wait for Belinda to send me the rest, hahas.

3 Oct 2008

Celebration by Infinitys!! Hmms, 7 of us turned up, Joyce couldn't make it due to some family matters. Had dinner at IMM- Spagetti Too. Oh ya, met Kaiqiu on the way to IMM, cool! Hahahs, after dinner, we went to the Cafe Cartel and they bought cakes for me and Eda! So touched!Thanks girls!! Took pictures together, and we went to Giant to purchase some things needed for the later part of the night (bel, sab and yeelin stayed over at eda's hse). After that, we went to Eda's house. Played some games. Nice games and had forfeits. HAHA! I kanna TWICE! hahas, ard 11plus, my dad and mum came to pick me home! Sent yanyan home too! Nice Day spent! Thanks INFINITYS! *photos with the rest, I'll post them when I got it =)*

4 Oct 2008

Met up with Yeeling for KBOX! My long time friend for 7 years! Love to go KBOX-ing with her. She's my forever bestie! HAHA, took pics in the room, and after that we took neoprints! Thanks girl, for the wonderful day! Meet up soon okay? Life is great with you!! =)

5 Oct 2008

Met up with Kahsoon for a movie and lunch! It's his treat, thanks ya!! Know him for 12 years lerh, It's really very long =). Had lunch at Billy Bombers. Ordered the Seafood paradise, and the portion is really big. Even the cup of coke is like double the normal size ehhs.....couldn't finish the plate of pasta but still, it's great! Watched the movie, Painted Skin. Quite nice, and this guy kept telling me how much he like the female lead, Zhou Xun. Hey you! HAHA! Thanks for the wonderful day!

WORDS OF THANKS~

Thank You SO much: Yeelin for the card and present, Yeelin and Alicia for the celebration and cake, Brother for the 2 cute care bears ( nan de this year, he give on his own wor), Cousin Jessie for the necklace, Vanessa for the cute diary, card and celebration, Astra for the pretty cup and celebration, Infinitys for the clothes, earring, card and celebration, Yeeling and Kaiqiu for the pretty cardigan, Mum for the pretty hoodies, Kahsoon for the movie and lunch treat......And Angbaos from parents, aunts and cousin Xueling + Cousin-in-law, Jie Kai ( wooo, first time give angbao, next time must give more ahh haha)....

And NOT forgetting, all the birthday wishes!!! you know who you are =D

Will post the pictures of presents soon =)

2008-09-17T00:41:00.007+08:00

下雨天-南拳妈妈

下雨天了怎么办
我好想你
不敢打给你
我找不到原因
为什么失眠的声音
变得好熟悉
沉默的场景
做你的代替
陪我等雨停

期待让人越来越沉迷
谁和我一样
等不到他的谁
爱上你我总在学会
寂寞的滋味
一个人撑伞
一个人擦泪
一个人好累

怎样的雨怎样的夜
怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大天要多黑
才能够有你的体贴
其实没有我你分不清那些差别
结局还能多明显
别说你会难过别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉

这是你送我的一首歌。我其实能明白你的心情，因为没有人会比我更清楚你的感受。歌词说的是你的无奈，你的思念。这样的心情我曾经也经历过，而且我们之间的默契是可以让我看得很清楚的。这些年，我知道你也不好过，尤其是我们没联络的那两年。你一直都是默默的祝福我，默默的不计一切陪着我。我真的不是没感动过，当两年后，我们再次见面，你竟然说希望我快一点找到一个爱我的人。我是很生气，但也很感动，因为两年后你最在乎的还是我的幸福。或许你真的是要看到我拥有幸福，你才能安心吧。现在，我告诉你，我要的幸福只有你。你说“只要你快乐”，可是我的快乐没有你并不会完整。12年了，我们可不可以。。。真的开始?

一些你应该知道的事，我却一直没办法让你知道，对不起。

152

2008-09-16T00:52:00.003+08:00

Hi pple! Hmms...i can forsee that this will be quite an emo post, which i think it's just a channel for me to vent out my feelings. Okays....Just finished helping and attending my cousin's wedding last sat. It's a beautiful night full of love, and this night I thought through alot and alot. Alot of past memories flashed by me, and this includes you. Between you and me, we walked through the happiness and sadness, I know that I wouldn't forget you.

But the fact is when I realised your love, you were already not by my side. You are walking on to another path of your life, walking so fast and leaving me behind. From the beginning, I'm always the one who's waiting, even so it was for the another him. I am already so much used to the feeling of waiting, that waiting for you is not an issue. 1 year is not an issue to me, but you do not know what I had went through. I had never told you, but that does not mean it had never happened. The hurts carved in my heart are painful, up till now it still hurts badly. I know it will be there forever.....The hurts had changed me, though it's through the hurts that I see your credits.

I had lost the courage, patience and determination that I once had. I do not know how long I can hold on, for 1 year could have so many changes. I was absent from your life when you were in your JC, and I wasn't aware of your happenings. The absence sometimes worried me; what actually had happened to you in that 2 years. I kn0w that through so many years, you've changed too. You were no longer the little boy who I can talk everything to, who I can see through easily just by your actions. But do you know that I very much prefer the old you? At least back then, I know and believe strongly that you will always be with me.

I'm sorry for the hurts that I've brought you few years back. I know it had somehow changed you, but do you know that when I did that, I actually do like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't consider what you said. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't reject you just to be fair to you. At that point, I hope that when I accept you, is when I truly like you. But it's all too late now...although you still cares now, but you are no longer you.

Can you tell me, does future and hope still lies for you and me now?

151

2008-09-08T10:16:00.003+08:00

Hello! It seems like I hadn't been updating for quite a long time. Yeah, plain lazy lahhs =X
Hahas, what should I update on? Hmms....holidays have been fine so far. Going out with friends or cousins, driving and helping out with childcare centre at some days. So far so good, yea?

Received my official driving licence last tuesday! I really couldn't believe this card is my licence, keep asking my dad "this is really my licence ma??". My dad still laughed and said, "How could someone so small like you can drive a car? You must have bought the licence". Hello! It's my hardwork ehhs. Tried driving on highways at a speed of 90km/h.....it's very very cool and I like driving on highways because it's all straight road and there's no traffic light!! Haha, driving experience is not bad =)

Helping out with the childcare centre made me realise that the passion of being a teacher lies in the management and people of the centre. During the attachment, I attempted the thought of being a teacher because my children were really sweet, and I felt the greatness of being a teacher. But working in this other centre, I felt like "oh no". Hahas, but at least i'll get paid =P Been thinking of my future path these few days, big headache and big sian-ness!! Haiis, shall sit down and do a thorough research on the career paths that I have thought on. The fact that I am graduating in a few more months is a big sian-ness too. argh!

what else?? Hmms, oh ya, I went out with Yeelin and Alicia yesterday. Our first stop was Queenstown Shopping Centre. We went there to make a shirt of our very own - Y3 ( Y cube). It's a bit ex, but I still love it!! Met Sabrina on the bus when Alicia and me were heading to Queensway too, haha. After that, we went to Cineleisure to watch the Jap Movie, Boys Over Flowers. A very sweet movie, yeah, the true meaning behind true love is just a word - trust. After the movie, Alicia and me went to Tiong Bahru Plaza to have dinner at Mos Burger. We talked a lot about our change these few years, and I felt so touched when I heard that she's really moving on forward. I'm proud of you, Alicia!!

Hahas, okay, I shall end this long post here. Bye.

150

2008-08-23T14:49:00.004+08:00

Hey! Haha....it's not a news anymore but I still wanna announce it here! I've passed my driving test ( Class 3) last wed, on the 20th of august! It's my first attempt~ it's so cool! haha but I really didn't expect myself to pass at the first attempt, I lost confidence in myself on the day of my test....but luckily mamanged to buck up at the last 2 mins before the test! HAHA, I've done my dad proud =)

Yeah! I can drive finally! =)

147

2008-08-19T21:28:00.003+08:00

Hey! Hahas, what should i say now? Argh! tmr is another very important day of mine, another scary day of mine! I really need a little more luck than just luck, and a little more courage, and a little more concentration! Well, I need everything to get me through tomorrow! It's just going to be 30 mins tmr, but well, this 30 mins is so tough and long! I can do it, I can do it, I can do it....I need to hypothesize myself! Please bless me with good luck, and hope everything will go SAFE and FINE tomorrow!

Well, just something to update on, I've changed my phone le, hehe to a W760i! Hehe, quite a good one =)

147

2008-08-10T22:30:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I wonder if i am a good friend. Am i? I don't know, but why is it that sometimes I will feel people around me can be as happy in their lives with or without me. Growing up doesn't seem to be the happiest thing, I'm starting to lose the innocence, the purity and smiles.

Maybe I should stop signing into msn, maybe I should stop reading blogs.

147

2008-07-31T14:55:00.003+08:00

Attachment's finally over. I have survived 245 hours of attachment, but why...I don't feel as excited as I thought I would, I don't feel as happy as I thought I would. In fact, there's really no happiness, other than a relief. I'm beginning to believe that children is my life, children is my source of laughter....and they are the ones I love with my whole heart, yet loving them and teaching them are two different things.

2 months ago, I was wondering why they must set this Field Practicum 3.1 thingy to make us feel more stressed, but now, I feel that Field Practicum 3.1 is a good thing, because it test your love for children and whether this line is for you. Through this practicum, I have confirmed my love and passion for children, though whether being a teacher not is still undecided. I don't know why I felt so attached to the children, hmms....of course ahhs, facing them daily, but I think the main reason is they are really sweet and I'm really too emotional. =P

Putting in too much feelings for children might not be a good thing as it will be very difficult to withdraw after that, but i'd rather be a teacher who feel for the children. I suppose this might be why the 2 supervisors said I'm cut out to be a teacher. Xian zhi, Rachel....Miss xinyi really miss you lots! I felt like i've wasted the first few weeks pondering and stressing over my workload that i've neglected the time with children! Damn assessments!

I've pasted the poster they made and pictures of my beloved on my wall. When i was pasting them yesterday, I told my mum "I want to put up the poster and pictures because they are the evidence and achievements of being a teacher. This poster is nice not only because of the decorations, it's nice because it's their group efforts. This might be my last time being a teacher, i've no idea whether i'll choose teaching as my future path....but they gave me this chance to feel great about teaching. I want to remember all these forever.". After saying, I felt so much like crying, even my silly mum want to tear. lols =P

It's been 3 days, and I'm still not feeling all right. I need time bahs, need time to get over this overwhelming emotions! I want to go back and visit them tmr, but should I? Hmms.....but the main thing now is to complete my 24 pages of final report and submit them tomorrow! All my emotions are stopping me to work....no mood! no mood! no mood!

Thanks for your messages. I know it doesn't mean anything, but still, I'm happy that you remembered me and initiated contact with me. I don't know how much I mean to you, but you certainly do mean something. But why is it that....you were never here when I need you the most?

146

2008-07-29T02:16:00.005+08:00

Finally, after two hectic months, everything is coming to an end tomorrow. everything will end tomorrow....hahahas, 2 months ago, i wouldn't had expected myself to feel so sad about leaving the children. 2 months ago, i was hoping for everything to end faster, as life back then was really hectic. Sleepless and more sleepless nights, stress and more stress, work and more work.

But when everything was over, when all supervision and assessments were over, I felt that I'm back to the simplest...the simplest thing; just the love for children. When you realised you are there just for children, not for any assessment, the love in you is just overwhelming. Perhaps it's really the stress and workload that makes me waver...but children, no matter what, you are really my pride!

You'll never know, how proud miss xinyi felt when I saw all the 9 of you working together hand in hand to make a poster for me. It's really a beautiful one, the most beautiful poster ever to me, because it's your group work. I didn't dare to expect the 9 of you to co-operate that well, as I said, my class can be rather hard to handle. But you did it, and I did it. =)

Haha! i want to mention something here, I have a lovely baobei in my centre! He's really so handsome, cute and shuai! He can run very well too worh, haha, my boy =P love him to bits! If only he was born 14 years earlier, lols. He said he like me! Baobei, I love you too! But too bad, I can't post his picture here =(.

My kids made me really wanna cry today, and it's not my last day yet! Haha, I told my favourite girl that tomorrow is my last day, and she said "But I will miss you! I will miss you!" Girl, you don't know how much ur words touched me. I hugged her and said, I will come back to visit all of you....she actually said, "no, you come back and teach me after you studied!" Lovely girl =) she said, she is not coming to school tomorrow and I replied then, today is the last day i'm seeing you. Can you imagine how she answer me? She said, " I want to see you! I ask my mummy don't bring me go ahma hse tmr". Rachel, no matter if you come not tmr, I still miss and love you!

First time ever, I felt that sad to part with children. After all, I spent 245 hours with them, seeing them almost everyday! No doubt they made me angry, sad, worried many many times, but yet they are the ones i couldn't let go. I know that, they will forget as they grow, children's memories doesn't last long, but I wanna say...the memories they gave me are eternal because they touched me with the purest and innocent heart. ' I love you' from them are always the most sincere.

Children, Let's have a good and nice memory tomorrow! Hopefully your miss xinyi won't cry worh, although just by typing this entry makes me wanna cry =P

2008-07-20T23:38:00.000+08:00

我真的觉得能够有这样的爸妈，我很幸福。

从小，我的爸妈就真的很疼我。我一直都知道，但是以前的我或许太小，总是以为
爸爸妈妈对我的好是理所当然的。可是长大了，我却明白这种幸福真的不是必然的。
时间不会等人，在我眼中，爸爸妈妈一天一天的老去，已经不再像是以前那样。
我真的觉得好难过，很遗憾自己没有为他们真正做过什么。我想，唯一不变的就是
他们爱我，爱这个家的心。

我还记得有一次，我的好朋友们在讨论自己的爸爸，甚至到最后还开玩笑得说
谁的爸爸是全世界最好的爸爸。那时候，我什么都没说，因为我觉得我的爸爸
在我心中永远都是第一，真的不需要比较。从小到现在，我要什么，我爸从来
都没说过不可以。我爸虽然很严厉，甚至会让我害怕，但是他真的很爱我。。。
我实习的这段日子，很辛苦很累，有好几个晚上都几乎没得睡，表面上他只是
对我说“好好休息，不要太累”，可是却在我不知道的情况下，叫我妈买燕窝
给我。他自己都没对自己那么好吧。。。我时常对我妈说“爸爸好爱我喔”，
可是我没有对他那么说过。我想说，爸我真的爱你喔! 有一段时间你住院，
我真的好害怕，到那时我才发现，我的人生不能没有你的参与。

我妈，是我妈也是我的好朋友。为了多了解我，她甚至愿意陪我看偶像剧。
只为了，拉近她和我之间的距离。但是妈，你和我的距离一辈子也不可能离得
太远，因为我流着你的血。同样的，从小到现在，她也很少对我要的东西说不。
她永远都是把最好的留给我，我很感动。我记得她常对我说，她不知道没有我
的日子会怎么样。妈，其实我也是，没有你的日子，我想我真的什么样都不会是。

我实习的这段日子，曾经因为压力过大，崩溃的大哭一场。我妈除了安慰我，就是
陪着我哭。我知道，中学时期的我和你的关系没有很好，因为你过于关心我成绩的
关系让我觉得你在给我压力，觉得你不了解我。但是现在，我们的关系真的很好，
我很希望可以一直陪着你。最后，妈，我也真的很爱你喔!

我会写这些，纯粹是因为我想说。看着他们一天天得老去，我真的很害怕不知道能
陪他们多久。在以后的日子，爸妈，我会多陪你们的，也希望你们会知道我真的爱
你们，即使我不懂得说，你们也不会看见我写的话。

144

2008-07-18T23:47:00.003+08:00

Hey! I'm back~~~ Oh yeah! I had passed my 2 assessments and my supervision! My field supervisor commented that I did quite well for my lesson today. Thank god! I was really so nervous, and the most terrible feeling was when you opened your eyes and it struck you that the final assessment is today! Left the home earlier than usual, but still reached the centre at the usual time. Think i'm really walking very slowly today =P

Reached the centre, and my mentor gave me a bookmark to encourage me! she hope i can do my best, i appreciated that a lot but at that moment is really a kind of stress =p. Thanks to my teacher who had talked to the children beforehand, and they really behaved alot better than usual. My field supervisor said i am firm with the children, and my classroom management is not bad. Surprising comment! my children are really hard to control, hadn't met into such a class before. can control i'm already happy le =X

No matter what, what's OVER is OVER!! I am going to reward myself with a long night sleep today! LoLs, 2 more lessons to go! Though not supervised, but still hope i can do them well too =P Children, Let's JIA YOU for 2 more lessons, okay???

Friends (Lin, Alicia, Yeeling), MISS you all super much!!! Let's meet up soon all right?? =)

I wanna say......I miss you.

143

2008-07-05T01:01:00.005+08:00

Attachment had passed for 16 days! 15 more days to go!!! Jia you!! There are times when I really feel very tired about attachment, there are times when I really broke down because of the utmost stress, but I made it for 16 days! I must survive for the remaining 15 days! I must survive the 2 assessments!! and I will be free once again =)

142

2008-06-21T16:25:00.003+08:00

Hello people! I'm here to do a short update =P

Yesterday went to East Coast Park to celebrate my darling, JUNE's birthday! Hahas, finally 18 le worh. Hmms, not much people went but still hope, my darling enjoyed this small celebration for her, and hope she like the present! =D We didn't really do anything there, hahahas just simply sit on the stone and chit-chat. BUT I felt really contented yesterday, reason being...I saw a sky of stars! It's really a sky of stars, they are so beautiful! I love looking at the sky, and looking at the stars blinking at me as though they are smiling, but it had been a long time since i saw a sky of stars. that's why really contented =)

Looking at the sky of stars, for a moment, i felt a touch at my heart. I have no idea if it was supposed to be happiness or sadness. But I felt the tinge of touched....I remembered for that six years, when you were always on my mind, I would sit on my bed and look at the stars whenever I couldn't sleep. In the darkness, the stars look so bright. I don't know why, but back then, I really love to make wishes to the brightest star, and each time it blink, it's just felt like the stars agreeing to my wishes. It was such a joyful feeling, and sometimes the wishes really do come true =)

But, for a very long time, I didn't see a sky of stars or rather I was too busy to even look into the sky anymore. Yesterday, I felt so touched to see the sky of stars again, however, I forgot to make a wish, was too engrossed into looking =P

I promised you i will give up and find my own happiness, i am really trying very hard to, but after all you once made such a great impact on me. The hurts were so great that I have no idea when will i recover completely. I thought I had, but apparently not quite yet. Don't worry, I'm trying hard, one day I really will. Tonight, i will look into the sky again, and if I am lucky enough to spot a bright star, I will make a wish. I wish that we will all be happy, and i know the stars will make the wish come true =)

Hahas, want to share a song here. It's 萧敬腾：原谅我. A really nice song. Had been so long since I felt like crying to a song. Hahahas, try listening? =P

Forgive me, that i had not made the promise come true yet

P.S: The MOON was BRIGHT and ROUND yesterday too! =P

141

2008-06-17T02:14:00.003+08:00

Suddenly, it occured to me that....my feelings are gone.

Perhaps for the rest of this life, nothing will hurt me anymore, nothing will affect me. Perhaps.

How good it is to not be able to feel sadness. But I know very well, this won't be the true me.

140

2008-06-09T00:50:00.002+08:00

Hi....breathless and helpless is all i am feeling now. I know i shouldn't complain, because this is my choice. But but....i didn't know this choice is going to take me so much. I started with this course, thinking that all i am going to face are innocent and cute faces and I felt confident that even if I faced problems, all these faces will help me to overcome. Now, I am proven so very wrong! My passion and love had been totally killed.

It has been 4 days! and i still feel so worried and stressed. I bet all of the year 3 are feeling the same way now. We are just being left so helpless. It's the 2 weeks holidays now, and all of the people after surviving the common tests, are rejoicing and enjoying now. How i hope i have common tests than attachment, at least the pain only last for a few days.

But no, holidays....we are left sitting in front of the laptop, worrying about our Field Practicum assignments (6 sequential lesson plans, brainstorm web, subject web, 4pages newsletter, 5 activities each for 2 learning corners, assessments by mentor and field supervisor). Other than that, there's still CIRPE assignment which I am totally at loss of what to do but need to present on 7 July, and and, what else? DAC reflection. None of them had been completed till date.

For the very first time, I really got the feeling that I won't make it. Though how much I know i couldn't give up, the feeling is just too strong. 245hours mingling with children is already very tiring. Many people have been telling me "Spending time with children only, can be very fun de, be positive!" Yah, why not you come and try?

Np explained to us why we are not paid. Reason being, education is not industrial area, therefore there's no payment. I don't mind not being paid, but since we are not paid, why are we being pushed to do so much??

A good question posted by my friend in her blog " Does the reason, i like children, suffice enough to be in this course?" I don't know. It used to be enough, but now....nobody knows. I guess, for the first time, my jie told me she wants to give up. Upon hearing this, I feel perhaps now is the extreme period.

I just feel so much like crying now. If crying can help to reduce stress, I will certainly cry a bucket now.

All i can do now is only try hard and JIA YOU!! friends, jia you bahs!

Countdown: 27 days.

139

2008-05-31T22:07:00.010+08:00

Hahas, went Bugis to shop with YeeLin today! a great day spent with her, it's always nice spending time with her. Bought tops and jeans today, wow and that cost me a BOMB! aiyoyo~~broke le! Yeelin bought things too, and this should be one of the very few times when she bought so much things in a day! Hahas. Talked to her, and it makes me feel lighter. Mama~ I LOVE YOU! heehee.

Yeelin & me!

138

2008-05-31T21:45:00.005+08:00

Hmms....attachment is coming in a day time, which means my comfort zone will be vanished in a day time. 7 weeks, not considered a long period of time, but it's still NOT short! BIG HAIS~what can i say? I love children for their angelic smiles, for their little hugs and kisses, for everything they are even if it means naughtiness at times, but I always feel that I'm not cut out to be a teacher. I don't have the confidence to be one, lest a good one. It seems like I'm continuing on this course because there is no turn-back.

Tasks include 6 lesson plans, learning corners, assistance in planning Parent-Teacher Meeting, reflection, evaluation, supervision and so on. Tell me, how's that? Don't tell me it's just work ONLY...it's certainly more than that. That includes all stress and sleeeepless nights. Please let me have a good experience on this attachment, let me meet good teachers, mentor, staffs and children. Let everything be at its best!!! Pray hard!! Well, another thing is when attachment starts, time spent with friends will be lesser....NO! we must meet!! I certainly can't wait for 7 weeks after.

I don't know how long i can hang on for you. i''m afraid i would give up any moment from now. Tiredness overwhelmed me, i'm no longer the girl who can persevere all for one....past experience told me that it's not wise and it hurts. Tell me, what do you want me to do? tell me, what can i do? tell me, how you really feel.

137

2008-05-22T21:23:00.009+08:00

Hey, i'm back to update again!

好朋友! 谢谢你们的担心和关心!
我真的没有要隐瞒什么。。。
我是真的不知道为什么那么不对劲。
很对不起让你们担心了! 下次不会了~
有你们两个一辈子的朋友就够了 =)
Thanks Lin & Huey!

Hmms, gotten my attachment centre today, at clementi. Okays, not that far...Haiis, attachment is coming real soon. I really hope i can survive it!!
Tell me, it's 245 hours~~~until end of july! argh!!! all the tasks and lesson plans, OH NO~

136

2008-05-18T23:01:00.003+08:00

Hello! It's been a month or so since i've updated. Hmms, was being nagged at =P
Hahas, but I'm just plain lazy and busy heehee =P
School has been pretty all right, short hours make me happy!! whee!! but attachment is going to start in 2 weeks time....eeek!! How much I hate it, how i wish it'll never come.

Hmms, I just wanna talk on something very random. don't mind me =P. I need an avenue for my feelings hahahas.

Being the central of my life for 6 years,
you are finally over now
I knew it the second I felt nothing
It wasn't easy, not at all
But i did it...
Your name no longer affects me,
you are really over now

And the "you" now,
I just wanna say...
You are important
& I really do miss you.
No matter what,
I'm here always

134

2008-04-15T22:44:00.009+08:00

Hey! People have been saying i'm NOT updating, so hmms...i'm here to do some updates! Hahas, i was back from Vietnam for almost 4 weeks lerh, and school had just started yesterday. I really miss the time in Vietnam especially in Saigon when i shared a room with Yeelin~ Total freedom and shopping time at the night marker just OPPOSITE the hotel. It's soo nice to stay with your best friend, could just chat till sleep, wake up together and go out together! Also, time in Hue is great~~a total new experience! Life there is slow-paced, no entertainment but people are happy, and you could just find cows, pigs, chickens and dogs everywhere you walk! I supposed you can never get such a life in Singapore, a so much advanced country!

It's how amazing when 32 people started off as strangers, but became good friends in 15 days! that 15 days will be such a memorable memories for life, seriously! My team mates are really so much fun, love them lots! Had so much fun cooking, chatting, taking photos with them! I miss my ECH juniors a lot, MIMI, ASTRA, VAN, did you hear me? hahas =P Made friends with the Vietnamese volunteers in that 12 days at Hue, they are nice and friendly! Felt the sadness to part with them at the last day, hope we could keep in contact. Got so much so much more to say but I think photos will speak a lot better, I shall post them slowly because as you know, i got close to 1000 photos with me which includes the others! People, should try going for YEP if you have the chance. It will definitely give you a whole new change! hahas, i think i changed too =P

Back to life in Singapore!! Been so busy going out with friends and having driving lessons after I came back. Time really passes very fast here! a blink, and 3 weeks are gone! Perhaps, good time really passed fast! So, now school has started, much to my unwillingness! I really really dread school, really really dread the long term attachments! BUT school came (though timetable for now is rather relaxing), and the 8.30 to 5.30 attachment everyday is coming on the 8th week!!

I need a lot of passion and determination, to believe that I will make it through, to believe that this will be my life! argh~~

Hahas, went to Bugis with cousin Jess today! Bought stuffs and walked around. Hmms, shopping KILLS my sian-ness a bit hahahs. Okays, I shall update again soon! stay tuned~

Our first group photo!

133

2008-03-23T21:43:00.004+08:00

Hey! I'm at vietnam now, blogging using the hotel free internet service. WOW coool! Went on the YEP trip to Vietnam - Hue by school and stayed at the countryside for 12 days ( 9 march to 21 march)! That was a really new experience. Totally experienced things that are so different from singapore, but the best thing there is can BARGAIN like almost half the price. Hahas, all of us learnt to be more THICK-SKINNED. Hahas, moved to Saigon which is the city of Vietnam on the 21st! WoW, compared to life in Hue, life here is totally a luxury! Stayed in hotel and shop shop shop for 3 days! Bought many many things! Broke!! But I like it!

Last day at Vietnam le!! coming back tmr!! WOW, that's fast! Shall update more on the trip and photos would be up! Stay tuned! =P

132

2008-03-09T00:46:00.003+08:00

HELLO everyone! I'm heading to Vietnam tomorrow until 24 march!! So fast right....hahahs. Hmms...feeling nervous and worried. It's going to be a really long 16 days! Hope we will have fun! I will bring back presents and photos hahas. It seem like I have a lot to say but i have no idea what I should say now....completely lost of words. Hehe, will update again when I come back people! Take care!!

I lost my faith in humans...It's so hard to trust or rather how am i going to trust when nobody ever cares....

131

2008-02-21T01:35:00.009+08:00

6 年了。。。6年其实真的一点也不短。好不容易，真的真的好不容易，
我终于走出了你的世界，终于不再对你有喜欢的的感觉，终于开始放下了你，
也终于开始学会去珍惜更值得我去爱的人。当我觉得一切都可以重新开始，
你就一定要破坏你在我心中的回忆吗? 当你说你想见我，我其实是害怕的
因为我一直都不知道该怎么面对你，但是即使你不再是我喜欢的人，我
还是想去听你的想法。抱着严重的高烧，头晕得可以，
就连原本想去朋友的聚会都没办法，却在后来你的一封简讯，
为了你，我还是勉强自己去了。

看见你的时候，其实没有紧张，我只是感受到看见朋友的感动。在那一个小时里，
我知道你有话说不出口，我没有勉强你，只是陪着你安静，陪着你乱聊天，等你开
口说。。。你到最后还是什么都没说。其实我怎么会相信你只是单纯想找我聊天，
因为那不是你，而且我了解你。我最后传简讯给你，不只是要谢谢你找我出来，
像是朋友一样的聊天，我。。。其实是想看你可能用SMS说出你想说的话吗?
我知道对不会说话的你，这样比较容易吧。你终于承认你有话想说，
你说不希望我再等你，你觉得你不够好，所以希望我找到更能给我幸福的人。

怎么那么戏剧化? 你到底是凭什么那么有自信我会等你? 而且当我彻底不和你联络，
我就已经放弃你了因为我比你更明白你是我不可以爱的人! 你到底是凭什么那么肯定，
我没有告诉你其实我已经没再等你，因为我真的连解释的力气都没有。
你选择了最笨的方式，想要当面告诉我，你知不知道那样的方式很残忍?
幸好你没有，因为我怕我会没有力量在你面前伪装坚强。
其实一开始，我就有预感我们之间是要结束的，所以宁愿你坦白，你做到了，
而我却不知道那是心痛的。

你说，你什么都给不了我，不想耽误我因为你不值得。虽然知道你是要成全我的未来，
对于一个曾经那么喜欢你的我，一个为你付出了那么多的我，其实是连一个字
都承受不了的。第一次我崩溃的大哭，眼泪竟然连控制都不用就这么流下来。你知
道吗?我的心好痛好痛。。。我终于认了这句话“感情的付出不是真心就会有结果”。
放弃了你的我只是希望你在我记忆中是完美的，你却还是要破坏你的完美。你没有
做错，只是这些话真的应该在3年前说的，那我会重新开始的早一点，也不会为
了你放弃机会。曾经，你承认你喜欢我，所以我相信。所以不管后来听说你喜欢
谁。。。我都相信你除非你亲口承认。是笨是傻都没关系，因为那是我的坚持。
突然，我觉得你是不是根本没有喜欢过我。。。
你真的好可怕。。。或许，以前的你真的有喜欢过我，你的承认也是认真的
只是你已经不是以前的你。。。我也已经不是以前的我。
这次，不再为了你。
这次，我会去珍惜那一个更值得我去爱的人。

六年的单恋----真的结束了

On a happier note to end this post, exams are over, and i passed my final theory at the first attempt!! hahas learning driving is very challenging indeed. yeah, take care friends =)

130

2008-01-18T00:08:00.000+08:00

Hey! this is the 130th post! It's a beautiful no. , so on this post, i should post longer! hahas, and something happy which I promised on my previous entry. But But...too much things had happened. I really do not know where should I start eh. Okays....I will start from last sunday! so pple...be patient and read this post all right? hahhas =P

17/1/08

Accompained my brother, mum and cousin for shopping. Didn't really buy anything for myself. Hahas. Then returned home at around evening, and had a nap. Woke up at around 8 and fell sick all of a sudden. Flu, headache and earache! argh!! Watched One Million Stars! really salute Lin You Jia, he's really a great singer! Tomorrow going shopping with Yeelin and having my first driving lesson at night! excited!! can't wait!! Yeelin, excited too right?? hahhas =P

16/1/08

Met my group members at 9am to do CD 2.2. Felt so tired and after that, headed for ITA lesson till 130. Waited to take a class photo with the Hi-club members till 3 plus, and finally headed to shop at Bugis with my cousin, Jessie. Bought a belt there, and she bought a pair of shoes there. Hmm...then headed to Jurong east, and I bought a dress there and I bought my cousin a set of clothes with my mum's money. She's my godsister, it's those real godsis who had gone through ceremony hahas, thus my mum asked me to bring her to buy clothes for cny. home sweet home after that =)

Jessie and me!

15/1/08

Went to collect my Provisional Driving licence with my parents in the morning! with this licence, I can start to learn driving! Hahas, excited yet nervous! To drive a car had always seem to be a very far thing from me, and I really supposed if my dad isn't a driving instructor, i doubt i will ever learn driving. Hahas BUT with the licence on hand, the moment really felt great! After that, headed for Kbox with Joyce, Daniel, Ivan and Sharlyn ( not sure abt the spelling). First time with them, and felt not bad lah. hahahs =)

PDL!

14/1/08
Had my field assessment on math! I think it was rather ok bahs, and I'm happy to see my children enjoying the games and the happy faces when they received stickers from me! my comment from mentor is that need to improve on classroom management. Yeah, classroom management! the biggest pro all of us face! hahas, the children seriously touched my heart! they came to tell me they love me becuz i'm a nice teacher, and when i got to leave, they asked me when am i coming back becuz they will miss me. I said next mon as usual, they actually said "yay!" and hugged me one by one! for the first time, I felt like crying when I hugged them! Assignments and works killed my passion but the children just simply seemed to have the magic to touch me! I felt so much that all a teacher needs are smiles, hugs and the miracle words - i love you from the children =)

Another happy thing- Passed my basic theory test! I'm so nervous that I only ended the test 15 mins after I completed all the 50 questions. But yeah passed!

Result slip!

13/1/08

Yeelin and me went for Alicia's CO concert at Singapore Conference Hall. Met Yeelin at around 6 and we went for dinner. It's really so hard to find a place to have our dinner because all building around seemed to be industrial buildings. Finally settled our dinner at a coffee shop nearby. Chatted with her about many things and felt really good. hahas. Watched the concert and really liked some songs! Alicia, u and NPCO had done well!! Proud of you all and thanks for the hardwork! It's the hardwork that makes the concert such a success and made NP proud! Sorry that we didn't stay throughout becuz Yeelin and me had field assessment the next day =P When we were walking to the mrt, we passed through this tunnel and took lots of pictures. The tunnel is cool for taking pictures!

Trying to act cool...hmms =P

Hmms....Lin's model pose! *exclusive*

Trying to pose like a model...BUT failed! =P

See the tunnel behind?

My bestie cum Mum, Lin! At the concert

130

2008-01-12T00:06:00.000+08:00

Hi people! time for some update! but i'm afraid this won't be a happy post. Just let me vent what I felt this once and I promised a happy update the next one! Yeah, first thing...sorry friends! I know that i am not quite in a stable mood these few days so don't mind it if i appeared to be sian or don't talk much. You all had been great and brightend my day! Yeah...seriously, I can't believe that being a strong person, I actually broke down twice in one week.

The first time was out of stress, the humogous stress! Yeah, and the second time just happened. I had shocked myself and my friends by my outburst. i'm so sorry for that, esp LiN! hahas. I felt that I really need to get away and I really need to cry ytd. I think all libras are like that seriously. It's from true life experience. I can bear with something or someone that upset me once, twice or even thrice but I persuade don't try too many times....once I explode, it's going to be scary. But, my outburst had nothing to do with anyone, don't worry hahas...just that the irritable guy triggered me off ( Lin know who's tt) hahahs =P

Somehow, I hated myself sometimes! Why can't I get anything right? Why everything just went off track? Why am I feeling so useless and worthless? Is it I have been surrounded with too many smart pple le? hahahas. I hate myself for feeling so worthless! I wondered had i ever made an impact on anyone's life? I thought no...but i'm so glad to realise that actually I had, perhaps just on the one or two of them. I told myself I will find the past me back, but apparently it's leaving me even further! But still, I won't give up on finding back!

And yeah...I know le! I realised le! I have wonderful friends who care for me a lot! Thanx yeeling, lin and Jie for ytd and today! I treasure u all a lot a lot...that's for life! hahahs. Don't worry, i'm getting ok le! You guys are great ah! =D

and YOU made my day too =)

2008-01-01T23:10:00.000+08:00

和你在一起的时候，真的很开心。
我在你面前可以很自然的做我自己
我慢慢的发现你在我心里的位置
开始变得不一样了。。。
你让我感觉到我是喜欢你，
但是我真的喜欢你吗?
你心里原本属于我的位置还在吗?
所有的答案都充满着不确定，
而我根本没勇气寻找答案。。。
曾经印在我心里的痛已经让我。。。
失去在爱情里的勇气。
我想。。。
如果是以前那个可以勇敢去爱的我
喜欢上现在的你，那该有多好。
时间不会为我们而停止，
所以我想说。。。

不想失去

129

2007-12-27T00:33:00.000+08:00

Hey! One day after Christmas~~all i hope for christmas and new year is to be a HAPPY xinyi, with all my happy friends around!! and one more little wish, let 2008 be a smooth year!!

Hmms...I shall talk about my outing with Yeeling! It's been so long since I went out with her, and really, I had the greatest time!! During the Kbox, we sang songs that only the 2 of us know, and we laughed so hard at our past memories! It's really been long since i LOL-ed! After that, we walked around Marina Square and had dinner at Jurong Point! Mos Burger~~very long didn't had that too. I loved the dinner, becuz ever since she's attached to her prince charming, we didn't had dinner together. Talked and laughed at our silly behaviours in sec sch, yep....we do miss our sec sch times together a lot! Talked to her about things and she's still the one who understands me lots! Best friend, I miss you!!

128

2007-12-20T00:48:00.001+08:00

Okays! one more post...before I "disappeared" for don't know how long again~~hahahas been rather lazy to blog. Hmms....after a long anticipation for 1 year so, 恶作剧2吻 aka They Kiss Again was out! It's only the first episode but it kept me happy! Watched the first epi on mon until 4 am in the morning, I just have to say 1 year plus of waiting is worth it after all! It's really nice nice nice, in fact I have the feeling that it will be nicer than the first series!!

Zhishu is still so cool, xiang qin is still so blur, my dearest ah jin is still so devoted! But what's different is Zhi Shu is starting to show his affection, love, care and concern for her! They are really very very sweet~~those love that is unspoken but each other knows it! I have this very xing fu feeling when watching it. I guess, this show was able to make everyone anticipate for almost 2 years is becuz it's very near to reality! girls will certainly be able to feel for xiangqin, and feel happy for her cuz all girls will had gone through the "an lian" stage. Well, i'm no exception, esp when he's as cold as zhi shu. BUT now, i'm happy with another start of my life, really!

Ah Jin (da dong) always make my heart break! He's really too good to be true~will such guy exist in this world? So sweet and devoted, and that's why he made me like da dong until now, with no regrets! The first scene when he appeared in 恶作剧2吻 was so heartbreaking! He's not being himself and unable to work~went on a holidays to forget her yet his mind was filled with her! How silly he was, when he saw zhishu and xiangqin at Guan Dao yet thought he was only fantasizing!! Sadded~~I still remember how forsaken he looked at the sea and screamed "你结婚了，过得快乐吗? 只要你是幸福的，我什么都无所谓，湘琴!" It totally touched my heart! Heard that he will have a girlfriend in this series~ happy happy! I seriously hope he will be xing fu, cuz an lian is way too tong ku!

Can't wait for the 2nd episode! one episode per week is really too tough for me! saw the trailer for 2nd episode, and things didn't really went well for xiangqin and zhishu BUT i know, all will turn out fine in the end. What touches me is still Ah Jin. xiangqin quarreled with zhishu, and ah jin actually went to zhishu and scolded him! scolded him that he didn't give xiangxin happiness~~how silly but cute! I almost teared when he insisted to snatch xiangqin back becuz zhishi made her unhappy, and he was stopped by his friends! He said "我知道我迟早都要面对她已经结婚了，但是我从来都不知道面对会这么痛苦!" After watching the trailer, it made me even harder to wait for the 2nd epi!! Da dong really acts very well!! BUT please, da dong, don't make me fall any deeper for you! I'm already in an extreme hahahas!

Well, after almost 2 years of hard work and hard wait, I have to say the crew, director, actors and actresses for this show really did well!! =D

127

2007-12-19T23:22:00.000+08:00

Finally! The 2 weeks semester break had come~~Finally I could take a breath now! But still, there's so much to do! It's sian-ing me becuz...there's so much to do yet part of me just don't feel like doing anything! yeah, anything! Am in this procastination mode...which i don't really like it. Hais, I don't even dare to think about what comes after this hols! deadlines and more deadlines, projects and more projects....and setting up the whole learning corner by my own! I simply think...it's crazy! I need more time, I want more time! Guess this is what all of us wish now~Lols.

Ok, on a happier note, i shall talk about the family chalet I had last weekend which I enjoyed a lot! I'm so happy that my cousins and I had gone back to the past which we once shared! Hmms, reached the chalet at around 3plus in the afternoon on sat! played and chatted with my cousins, and around 6plus, BBQ time! I helped in the bbq-ing...a little! lols. Ate and took photos! Around 9, my cousins, my aunt and me set off to the Partyworld KTV at Loyang and had a singing session from 10 to 1! Hmms...not bad~ but...my aunt slept in the room! oh my~when we came back at around 1plus in the morning, i'm so sleepy BUT my elder cousin refused to let me sleep! He dragged me for a mahjong session, so there I played mahjong with the two of them until 6am! hahahas. I kept saying "deng yi xia" during the mahjong session and my elder cousin was saying "I seriously think u have occupational illness! you are too used in saying "deng yi xia" le lah..cuz the children can't wait!" Lols...well, think so!

Woke up at 10am. Felt so sleepy, only 4 hours of sleep! BUT washed up and had breakfast! after that, my cousins accompanied me to the Tampines Mall because I wanna buy handphone. Went to the M1 shop and Nokia shop but was told that the model, Nokia 5700 that I want was out of stock! I was like -_______- becuz the phone is very new, just about a few months. So we went to another M1 shop at Century Mall and was told that Singapore has no stock for that model !!now. How lucky! In the end, I settled for Nokia 6120 classic! Love that phone as well! Not bad~ hahahas. Shopped and ate lunch at the mall before going back to the chalet. Watched TV and at around 6plus, we had the steamboat session! Watched the Stars Awards 2007 and home sweet home~~

I enjoyed the whole weekend~ it's relaxing becuz I don't have to think about just anything. Just played, laughed and enjoyed~~ I want my life back!! I want my happy life back...I don't want my life to be lead by assignments anymore! hahahas, photos next~

Me and cousin Wilna!

aunt and me!

Food!

That's our room!

Me and cousin Shi Min again~

He's camera shy!! (like real)

Mummy and me!

My cousin BBQ-ing!

BBQ-ing!

Me and cousin Shi Min!

126

2007-12-12T23:30:00.000+08:00

Hey! I wanted to update but I am really very lazy. Hmms....just lazy to do anything...ANYTHING. how i hope i can ignore all the assignments! For those who thinks their course is tough, don't worry! You have us before you, we have 30 plus assignments a sem!! That's really too much to take lah! hahahas okays....i shall talk about what happened these few days...Please be patient! cuz it might be a long post=P

12/12/07

Returned to school today. nothing much....but still was not in the best condition. Coughed till my rib cage hurt! How bad....Got an assignment needed to be handed in next mon, but I haven't started on it yet! what more, I'm going to a family chalet this weekend, simply no time! And the thing is, I wasn't in the mood to do, read at the question and felt totally sian! Seriously, I'm not stressing myself. I am much more don't-bother than my year 1, but the projects WANT to stress me! I seriously think they should cut down the amount of projects lah! hahas, but the happy things is to see my friends again! hmms....basic theory test on fri! didn't really studied yet but I must get it a first pass!!

11/12/07

Hmms. didn't went school on tuesday! first time in my poly life that I absent myself. Fell sick last week, but only went to see the doc on mon night cuz simply couldn't take it anymore. The doc. said I have throat infection, flu and cough. So jia lat~~so many medicine to eat! Got an mc and my parents asked me to rest at home. hahahas

6 Dec 2007- SYC tut (cooking!)

Lastly, our group photo!

Ham and mushroom Quiche!

Our chocolate walnut cake!

Joyce and me!
Yeelin and me!

Boon shuang and me!

Eda and me!

Zhiliang~ Zhiliang said we are watching "tv"?

Baking in progress!
Mushroom Quiche! Look nice? Pouring the ingredients! The dough!

8 Dec 2007 - Botanic Gardens & KBOXECH- 2A01' 07!
Me and Yeelin again!

Me and Yeelin!

The MU NU gang!We are promoting the PRETTY flowers!

Me, Yeelin, Eda and Joyce!
Me, Joyce, Boon Shuang and Eda!

Yeelin, Alicia and me!

Went to Kbox with Lynn after that! Had so much fun! I had always said singing is the best way of destressing! Felt quite relaxed after that!! hahahas But Lynn was very very cold in the room!! Hahaas a great day!

125

2007-12-06T01:45:00.000+08:00

Hey! Been too busy and too lazy to blog! hmms...nothing special happened this week. Just very random. Hais, time forever seem to pass so fast! i'm tired....sometimes I do wonder just what am i busy with...and does all this busy-ness serve any purpose? hahahas. next week will be going with the children to Daiso. They are going to buy christmas gifts and have a gift exchange. Sounds great yea? Hope the children and me will have fun! Hmm...frankly speaking, i don't like this centre. the teachers not really that responding yet expect a lot from me. I don't like! I prefer kindergarten seriously. hahahas.

K, off to sleep now! bye~

124

2007-11-27T22:51:00.001+08:00

Hahas, OK! I'm really back....to announce that I HAD PASSED! woohoo~~ like finally! It wasn't easy, and I have to admit that my lesson did not went on too smoothly. The children fiddled a bit and were not able to pay attention to me for long time. Hahas, I thought I wouldn't do well, but...I did it! Yay-ness! Imagine my happiness when I was told " You passed!". My grade was slightly better than average. Hmm...is it good or bad? I would take it as a good lah...hahahas, I'm happy enough to hear this comment from a teacher who's known as very strict. =D He did gave me comments and areas to improve on...so the main thing is, I HAD GOT OVER THIS HURDLE!

He said that he can see some good qualities of a teacher in me, and that if I put in effort to hone these skills, I would make a good teacher. I went like hmm?? I didn't even realise that myself. BUT well, staying in the teaching expertise.....haiis =P I think, I would want to further into other things....hahahas.

Hmms, cleared this important hurdle, but lots of assignments coming up! I felt really tired, wanna sleep!! and I really misssss KBOX~

123

2007-11-26T01:02:00.000+08:00

Well, tomorrow or rather today is an very important day! It's my day of assessment. Goodness, been really very stressed about it! No one can utd this exact feeling, except students of my course bah. It's really hellious....I hate teaching lessons on MON becuz it's just spoil my weekend! Weekend leh...and we have to be worrying! How I wish I can just go there and play with the children every mon! I enjoy being with them, but not teaching, whatmore assessment!
Please Bless Me With A Pass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Passion; the most important criteria in this course. But why is it that the more I am in this, the more I felt my passion draining away....haiis

I hope, tmr I will be back with a happy mood and announce that I PASSED on my next entry!

122

2007-11-22T00:56:00.000+08:00

Someone, please tell me that i am going to be okay.
Lack in motivation, lack in confidence, lack in a "High" mood...
Hahas, please tell me i will overcome all these.

是你变了吗? 友情的真真假假，我越来越分不清，也真的不想再去分清。
不管是不是你变了，我还是愿意相信我们的友情会是最坚固的。
我从来都没有收回对你的信任和珍惜，即使我很受伤。
我真的。。。累了

121

2007-11-21T00:44:00.001+08:00

Heehee! Quite a long time since I updated le horh....hahahas plain lazy and busy! All right, I shall update now, cuz I promised mama LiN! hahas, what shall i talk about leh? so much have been happening, I don't know how to start. Hahahas, the problem for delaying too long! Ok, i shall talk about the sentosa trip first la horh. heehee =P

Hmms, on the 10 nov, I went to sentosa with my cousins and uncle (cousin's hubby)! It was really a great day! I enjoyed myself a lot! We did a lot of things that day! Met them at 9.30am in the morning, bus-ed to Vivo City and had breakfast. Heehee MacDonald! After that, train-ed to sentosa. Went to the 4D magix as the first stop! Not bad ah! Really got frightened by the BEE and my dear cousin (10 yr old) was damn cute! He daren't look at the BEE, oh yea, me too! Hmm....after that, went to Fort Siloso! Well, we went there supposedly, wanted to show my cousin history of Singapore since he had never been then, BUT he refused to listen to my explanation! Humph, kids lah...haha! And one happy thing, I saw Jeremy at work! Waved "HI" to him excitedly and my cousin said " nv see ur friend before?" =P Lotsa photos taken there!

And then, we went to have the skyride and luge! I am the ONLY one who wasn't afraid of skyride, the other 3 were scared! heehee. first time taking the luge, not bad!! FUN! It seem like driving, and my cousin said " Hey! how are you going to pass ur driving test?" Humph! I will show you! After that, went to the Heritage of Singapore and viewed some cultures of Singapore! It's nice, cool! My little cousin sure enjoyed them! and oh ya! saw my primary school band performing there! PROUD of them yea! Next was the skytower! Nothing much actually, just the scenery! =P

After that, went to Sakae Sushi for lunch! Had pasta there, not a bad meal! =P Hmm...what's next? Oh ya, the dragon trail walk! hmms, fed the mosquitoes! heehee, then went for a walk at the beach! a short walk, and we decided to head for Vivo city to have dinner! and that's when I saw my dearest mum, LIN! So high to see her, and very qiao indeed! OH yea, i saw both Jer and Lin that day, lucky me!! After dinner, went back to Sentosa for Songs of the Sea! It's really nice people! Must go see! Hmm, home sweet home after that! everything free that day, how great! Thanks ah, uncle and xueling! =P Okays....PHOTOS next!

Okays, photos done! Hmms, so about the field practicum? I had conducted 2 Lang. Arts lessons, and oh my! It wasn't easy lorh! and my assessment is NEXT WEEK! How bad, and my field supervisor is Philip Koh! I guess he's strict...Haiss, goodness! God Bless Me! Ok, on a happier note, after FP ytd, we went to celebrate Bel's bdae! Majority of the 2A01 went! Great! I guess it's the only rather successful outing? She treated the whole class, thanx bel! Had fun...Hmm will upload the photos when I get it! That's all for now! Bye!

120

2007-11-10T00:06:00.000+08:00

Hahahas, went out with Lin yesterday! hahas, went bugis to shop but didn't managed to get anything that catches my eyes. Hmms...due to the crowd and the really hot weather, I wasn't really in the mood to shop. Hahas, then decided to head to Far east to shop and managed to get 2 tees there. That was about the only things I got that day bahs. Hahas....went to KFC for lunch and witnessed an old uncle falling off his seat. Felt really sad that moment, he was alone having his lunch...can't bear to see the loneliness. Ouch! a bit feel like crying that moment, and thought of my dad getting old day by day! I must make him and my mum the happiest people when they are old! After that, went to Northpoint to have the Jap food that Lin strongly recommend! Hahas, had the Eel Don and really very nice! Hahahas Lin, Good recommendation lah! See, i give you your credits here ok! =P A nice day overall!

Hmms, going to sentosa tmr with my cousins and biao jie fu. heehee, kinda looking forward to it. Want to have a day free from all rubbish, all assignments and all sorts of craps, and just have fun!! Hmms, hope to see Jeremy and Lin there!! =)

People, take care!! =D

119

2007-11-10T00:02:00.000+08:00

六年的时间不算短，也不算长
很难说在以后的生命里，我还会不会记得那段喜欢你的日子。
也许，明天我会遇到一段更刻苦铭心的爱情?
在回忆里加上一些我不想忘记的情节，
只因为我不愿意看到，我们之间所存在的空白。

我不应该在该离开这段单恋的时候，拼命为自己找借口留下来。
我不应该在任由我的想念而找回你，然后又不舍得让自己离开。
也是，在六年前。。。我也是不应该喜欢上你这个不能爱的人。
如果这些不应该都能实现，那我真的就会很快乐，很幸福吧!
不用像现在一样的，陷入这个泥沼，任凭我多么努力，坚持
的想走出来，却发现自己一步也走不出。。。
我心里想说的话，你有听见过吗?
我想是有的，曾经你听到了我喜欢你的声音，
却没有听见过我难过的声音。
但是，现在我请你认真再听我说一次。
我知道你是不可能看得到我现在所写的，
但希望你可以用心感受到我透过文字给你的
讯息。。。

“在很久之前，我已经放弃喜欢你的心情，是王子和公主童话般结束的那天。
很谢谢你给我予我这个幸福又永远都不想忘记的一天，但也是那天我暗恋
你的心情结束了。。。因为默契不再属于我们。偶尔，你还是会出现在我
的思念里，虽知道不应该，但我没有办法阻止。可是要让你知道，不再喜
欢你的我其实会越来越快乐! 我知道最美的爱情要留给会珍惜的人，所以不
是你! 我会向我另外的幸福努力，你也一样要找到勇气! ”

118

2007-11-07T00:06:00.000+08:00

Hey! hahahas i shall blog today! These two days have been very shiok cuz lecture was cancelled due to the lecturer on medical leave....and the shiok-est part is that her lessons are my last slot of the day so that means i can go off earlier! hahahas. Hmms, yesterday went for my field practicum and it went well! the kids made my day! hahas, attachment is never easy and definitely not relaxing but when they smiled and talked to you, that's most probably the most precious gift in the world. I'm praying hard, or rather very hard that they would be obedient enough for my lesson next week! Please!!! =P

Today, lesson was supposedly to end at 5 but yea, due to the lecturer being on MC, we left at 1 plus instead! Great~~ hahahas we were like mean lah, being happy for the reason that she's on mc. hahahas. SO, infinitys went to Pizza Hut for lunch! Had a very full lunch, and not cheap too! hehe, yeelin, bs and me had royale baked pasta, and the others had baked rice! Yummy~~but my mum, yeelin couldn't finish her pasta cuz too creamy! hahahas, it's her first time eating that LOL. Other than that, we still had pizza, garlic bread and the seafood thingy cuz bel had coupons for that. And, really....I had a hard time struggling with my pasta too, to the extent that I felt like vomitting them out! hahas. Okays...I shall post some photos. Hmms, only managed to take photos with Yeelin at the end of the lunch~

Lin & Yi ~

Lin & Yi 002~

Lin & Yi 003~

117

2007-11-04T22:19:00.000+08:00

Hey! it's time for me to update ler....hahas i promised alica i will update but i dragggggged until now! oops! hahahas, hmmm.....i don't know what i shall talk about eh. too much things had been happening! Okays, are you ready? LET'S GO!

Hmms, I went for my field practicum last wed and it's my new centre! the children were very welcoming! They waved HI to me and came to play with me! the times with them are quite fun, and i HOPE my teaching times with them would be well too! hahahhas, and yeah the day went quite well! tmr....is my second session again, fast yea? YES!......and the rest of the weekdays went ok.

And last sat, I went to help out in the parental seminar with joyce, yeelin and boon shuang! And due to only sleeping for 3 hours the previous night due to doing lesson plans and the long hours of being under the air-con, I sort of nosebleed the morning I woke up! scared me! And for the event, we are the ushers! leg so pain lorh! have to stand for close to 5 hours in high heels! argh!!! but it's still okays lah. pretty fun....hmmm a job of usher is not that easy as I thought! meeting parents is definitely not one too! lucky i'm on duty with yeelin...we talked and talked while on duty! Love talking to her, i don't have to think when talk to her! and after that, went to kbox with my sis, joyce! been a long time since I went to kbox with her, close to 3 months? hmm...I supposed! ehhs, It was pretty fun! hahahas to me that is...i just love singing! hahaha kbox is my 2nd home! Took lots of photos that day...shall upload it when I received, so please wait and stay tuned!

And today, I was supposedly have to do my reflections, lesson plans and stuffs! BUT, i'm just so not keen at starting, and lazy! I just want some break....hahahas and my friends have been complaining to me that their course is busy! Hey, we are having it tougher than you! well, all courses are hard for this sem! I went out for dinner with my mum in the evening, and we had Crystal Jade!! heehee, been so long since I had that...hmms, very very full! aha! another week going to start...other than GAMBATEI, i dunno wad else to say so GAMBATEI to myself and friends!!

*to miss dunnoe; jia you ok? I will always be here for you through this hard and sad path! don't worry! be strong and happy! Laughters is the most important, don't lose it!! =)

116

2007-10-27T14:12:00.000+08:00

Hey! I've got a lot to say today. really a lot...but the feelings can't really be expressed in words. I happened to browse through the message history in MSN that I had with my friends last year. I was reading through all the conversations, and I realised how much I miss my friends and the happiness with them! So yea, I am really a happy girl back then hahaha.

I felt the most when I was reading April and May 2006 conversations. That was before poly starts, before everything start. Haha. Didn't know I could change so much in just 1 and plus year. Reading through conversations with Kaiqiu, Yeeling, Qin feng, Jeremy, Jia hao and my cousin...really brought back a lot of memories. We were so happy then. My course is really a big challenge to me, and I didn't know beforehand that there were so much things i have to do, didn't know there were so much stress i have to cope with. Well, I have to admit that this course sort of change my character. From a happy person to a unhappy one. hahas BUT now, i'm not going to look at it as STRESS, instead i shall look at it as a CHALLENGE. Take one day by one day!

One of the conversations, I told kaiqiu " sing, write and laugh is my life. If i lose either of them, my life is gone!". To think, I had forgotten that I had said this before. SO sad. I felt the urge to cry when i read this, cuz I forgotten this understanding and best description of myself! I said that I cannot lose either of them, yet I'm losing the most important component - LAUGHTER!

I shall not carry on like this! I would contact all my beloved friends, and my cousin. Talk to them about anything under the sun, date them and have fun!! I would change back to the happy person. Sing. write. laugh make up xinyi!! Jia you Jia you! Happy is the word!!

My cousin said before, stress and problems is only a bus-stop in your life. All you have to do is to alight the bus ,get on to another bus and move on to another bus-stop in your life. Never dwell on it cuz it would be the past! Yes! I remember that now! I would take my course as challenge and move on to my life. Not worth losing myself to stress! Xinyi, remember remember!! You are a HAPPY person back, now and then~~

115

2007-10-21T22:49:00.001+08:00

Hey! done a quiz that Alicia sent me! I find it very true!! People who wanna get to know yourself better, can go to this website and have a try yea.
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

114

2007-10-10T22:15:00.000+08:00

hey! time for some update lerh! Today went kbox with Jeremy and Qin feng, hahas my 2 kors. yupyup. ok lah, quite a nice time with them =) It's always nice spending time with long-term friends~~hahas. hmms....after 4 days, it's the new semester again! haiis...i really don't look forward to it ehhs, i can imagine the hell-like life i'm going to go through again~~once again, i have to say, which idiot told me poly life is very relaxing derh???? hahas, but well, maybe especially tough for my course lahs. can't blame, it's my choice =X. argh!!!i don't want sch to be reopen yet!!

and the stupid thing is, i have 2 ulcers now! and the one on my gum is especially pain!! omg!! go away, go away~~~hahas

113

2007-10-03T00:51:00.000+08:00

Finally, my 18th birthday is over~ went to kbox for celebration with yeeling and kaiqiu today, my 2 besties! thanx a lot =)

and thanx to pple who wishes me! shall not name it all, u noe who you are! thanks! muacks!! =D

Lastly, happy 18th birthday to myself!

learn to grow up. learn to stand up...but i'm tired. can i not appear strong anymore?

112

2007-09-23T00:11:00.000+08:00

我想说，我真的可能喜欢你。
可是我不知道我有机会说吗?
或者是，应该说吗?
毕竟，曾经伤害你的是我。
也许，当年的我们都太年轻
我没有发现你对我有多重要，
没有发现，我对你很想念，
更没发现，你一直保护我的心情。
我也真的没有发现，我。。。
现在或许已经太迟了。

111

2007-09-17T22:31:00.000+08:00

我好想哭，只想痛痛快快的哭一场。
越是想装做我什么都不在乎，越是觉得自己好可笑。
18岁是不是把一切都改变了?
我不想再伪装自己，在一个这么虚伪的世界。

110

2007-09-14T22:23:00.000+08:00

Hey! Result released today!~ oh my, was awoken by NP sms at 8.30am, I practically jumped up from my bed! LOL~ but then, I was quite satisfied with my result le lahs, at least there's an improvement from last sem. I thought I would not do better than last sem, cuz i don't know, wasn't really in the hardworking mode. hahas, but not bad lah...gpa around 3.2~ very contented le! What surprised me the most is, I got AD (distinction) for my Field Practicum and core module! Hahas, I thought I was too sleeply to see the results wrongly~ didn't have a single A for the past 2 semesters, and I got 2 ADs' this sem! effort and hard work does pay off! BUT then, was really disappointed for my AW thesis essay, got a C! I spent a lot of time doing the research and essay leh, and the teacher gave quite good comments about it, and what, he promised everyone that once we show him our drafts, he will give us at least a B! He lied, humph!!!! Nvm, the result is more than expected le =D

CD 2.1 = AD
AW= C
FM= B+
MAYC= B+
DLE= C
FP 2.1= AD
SAM= PX
SCV= PX

My dearest cousin having her ROM tmr! It's held at a hotel, woah! i'm the Emcee for the chinese version~a bit nervous, hope i will do well!! very happy for her too! must xing fu worh! =D

109

2007-09-13T19:25:00.000+08:00

Hi...this hols really pass very fast. at least it's faster than the previous 2 hols....is it that time is running ahead of me? I have spent some precious and nice time with my good friends, and i felt really contented. that's enough, seriously. If what I hope for never come true, then it's already a great contentment to have things this way, at least nothing changed. I don't want anything to change anymore, i can't deal with it. i can't. I'm tired of my life...I'm always optimistic but when i said tired so many times, it means that i'm really tired. Alot of problems are rising around me, and please, let it end.

I hope to have some nice time with my family this hols, becuz i know that when sch reopen or when my life continues to walk on, i will have lesser time for them. But, i keep seeing my dad worrying abt this and that, and my mum quarrelling with him, and even told me that maybe one day, she will need a divorce. I know her words are just a spur of moment, but I don't want to hear that. I love them, and their health has been my greatest concern. I just want some happy and nice time with them, I don't care what problems are arising, I only know that as long as a family is united and happy, all problems can be overcomed.

My life hasn't been going smoothly, but I always told myself to stand up and i always did after cry. I told myself that there are still many beautiful pple ard me who I love, therefore I must stand up. But why even my closed ones are making me feel worthless....

走在马路上，眼前闪着的是青灯，
看似安全的马路却突然有辆车
冲了过来。
我没反应的站在原地，没反应。
司机及时煞车，然后向我道歉。
可是过了马路的我却发现，
在看见车子冲过来的我，
没觉得害怕，没觉得紧张。
就只是很漠然的平静和呆滞。
或许潜意识里的我，
是已经麻木了。

108

2007-09-05T03:35:00.000+08:00

我不明白为什么我总是在半夜的时分，
异常的非常清醒~
我不明白为什么我总是在半夜的时分，
面对最脆弱的自己流眼泪~
我到底在想念什么?
我讨厌每个夜晚，
因为我没办法在这个时候坚强。。。

107

2007-09-05T01:52:00.000+08:00

愿意不爱你

这首歌我很喜欢~ 很好听!是飞轮海的炎亚轮演唱的，收录在<<终极一家>>的原声带。
一开始是在亚纶的blog听到的，我马上就喜欢上了这首歌。
在这首歌里，我听见了亚纶的认真，努力，伤感还有很深的想念。
我真的很感动~

我想，我听得出这首歌想要表达的情感。
如果真的要对方好...
那就真心祝福他，
然后把自己的爱放在心里~

亚纶~ 加油! 我看见你的努力和进步了，真的! 你把这首歌唱得很好，
把情感都唱进去了~你还这么年轻，可是却经历了这么多你年纪
不该经历的事。也许这也是为什么你可以唱得这么好吧，你没有
对不起这首歌! 我会一直支持你，等到你站在舞台上实现梦想的那天，
当然还有你的好兄弟，飞轮海~ 你要加油了!

Ya Lun~

106

2007-08-24T19:19:00.000+08:00

Just wanna say....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! JIRO WANG DONG CHENG :D

WISH YOU HAPPINESS EVERYDAY~~

105

2007-08-24T00:04:00.000+08:00

Hahas! went to watch "secret" starring Jay chou and Gui Lun Mei ytd with yeelin!
omg~ the movie is really sweet and touching! didn't know Jay could be so cute and sweet~
I have to admit Jay chou is really talented! It's his first movie as a director but he managed to really done a good job! The story is quite unique, though it's rather unrealistic. The message he want to convey through this movie is actually the simple love between him and the female lead, and it's touching! A lot of people teared for this movie, and i did too at the last scene of the movie hahas! i think the female lead is very well-chosen! She's just got that kind of qi zhi~ oh ya, not to mention all the piano playing scenes...it was just OMG! woohoo!! nicenice!! I'm going to buy the dvd once it's released hahas :p

^ looKing for stars ^

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