Wednesday, June 30, 2010
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*199*
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Recently, i think my emotions are quite unstable. Emotional stress, i suppose. I've been feeling so frustrated and uncertain to things. Each time and every time, i tried so hard to control myself down. I did lost control, but not big ones. Most of the time, i am asking myself 'what do i really want?'; 'what do i need to stay happy?' Confusion. Frustration.
Often late at nights now, when i am the only one awake in the family, i have the urge to cry. Nothing particularly came into my mind; but this urge just comes so randomly and suddenly. Every night, when i say byebye to Baby, I too feel like crying. But I didn't cry. I didn't cry on these nights. I just feel like. Maybe I dread and scares of the thought that I am going to be alone now, at night again. I can completely understand that Baby has to work and he need enough rest. I won't want him to be too tired and I certainly won't allow him to accompany me till too late. So, I am now learning to cope with my emotions...
On another note, it's a good thing that I have learnt to release my emotions. I still will not cry that easily, but if there is really a need for me to, i will not fight back my tears anymore :). I think I feel secured with Baby, that I know I no longer need to try so hard to protect myself. Friends had told me to release my emotions when necessary, but I didn't know how to do so. But now, i think I do know it. When you have someone behind to support you and be by your side to love you, you will know that it won't hurt that much if you fall...you will know that even if you fall, your love will help you up. That word is love.
When you have someone to love you, you will learn to release your emotions and face up to yourself, your hurts, your everything. I'm blessed with Baby :). But I am a grown up now. I cannot be too weak. It's equally important to know how to depend on people, and at the same time be strong. So, i must gain back the ability to cope with my emotions and be strong now.
Don't worry. Like i said, I am really happy and blessed with my life now, with all my loves. I think this might just be a more more serious case of PMS than usual. I do hope so. Or maybe, i miss my best friends. Or maybe, identity crisis!?! Haha, anyway, i will be all right. Positive positive positive!
Random frustration is scary!!! :(. AHHH! PMS go away! Girls...are so ke lian :(
I just need to hear it personally from you at times....
I confessed my love for BABY at
10:05 PM
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