Jiro Wang!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Y *199* Y

Recently, i think my emotions are quite unstable. Emotional stress, i suppose. I've been feeling so frustrated and uncertain to things. Each time and every time, i tried so hard to control myself down. I did lost control, but not big ones. Most of the time, i am asking myself 'what do i really want?'; 'what do i need to stay happy?' Confusion. Frustration.

Often late at nights now, when i am the only one awake in the family, i have the urge to cry. Nothing particularly came into my mind; but this urge just comes so randomly and suddenly. Every night, when i say byebye to Baby, I too feel like crying. But I didn't cry. I didn't cry on these nights. I just feel like. Maybe I dread and scares of the thought that I am going to be alone now, at night again. I can completely understand that Baby has to work and he need enough rest. I won't want him to be too tired and I certainly won't allow him to accompany me till too late. So, I am now learning to cope with my emotions...

On another note, it's a good thing that I have learnt to release my emotions. I still will not cry that easily, but if there is really a need for me to, i will not fight back my tears anymore :). I think I feel secured with Baby, that I know I no longer need to try so hard to protect myself. Friends had told me to release my emotions when necessary, but I didn't know how to do so. But now, i think I do know it. When you have someone behind to support you and be by your side to love you, you will know that it won't hurt that much if you fall...you will know that even if you fall, your love will help you up. That word is love.

When you have someone to love you, you will learn to release your emotions and face up to yourself, your hurts, your everything. I'm blessed with Baby :). But I am a grown up now. I cannot be too weak. It's equally important to know how to depend on people, and at the same time be strong. So, i must gain back the ability to cope with my emotions and be strong now.

Don't worry. Like i said, I am really happy and blessed with my life now, with all my loves. I think this might just be a more more serious case of PMS than usual. I do hope so. Or maybe, i miss my best friends. Or maybe, identity crisis!?! Haha, anyway, i will be all right. Positive positive positive!

Random frustration is scary!!! :(. AHHH! PMS go away! Girls...are so ke lian :(

I just need to hear it personally from you at times....

I confessed my love for BABY at 10:05 PM

YYY

Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Y *198* Y

Okay, no work today. Decided to go down to Orchard to get Baby's advanced first year present; an office bag as he needs it for work. Reached Orchard with Mum at around 1plus and did a little shopping with her before she went off to meet her friends. Mum bought me a blazer at pepperplus; after discount was about 40. i think. Love! Started my search at around 2pm....Combed Wisma Atria, Takashimaya, Heeren, Cineleisure, ION and 313! wow, i had never tried combing Orchard on my own before, somemore i was in my heels! Legs were super painful from all the walking in heels; but because I had no time to spare, i bear with the pain and continue walking.

Finally, found a bag which caught my eyes at the first sight at 313, Pedro! I had wanted to go to Robinsons to take a look, but i was running out of time! Meeting Baby at 515 and when i reached 313, it was already 430!! Therefore, after spending another 15mins staring at the bag, I laid my hands on it. Haha. Wanted to rush to dhoby ghaut immediately, but my legs were really too painful. Rested for a short while and proceeded to meet Baby! :)

Baby came at around 530 and i was so excited to see him! Haha. We had our dinner at Astons' and watched the movie; Toy Story 3. It was a simple but nice movie! I enjoyed it a lot. :) After that, was home sweet home.

My day with baby ended fast; but I enjoyed every second of it. Love hugging Baby during the movie. Love being in Baby's arms. Love holding Baby's hand; the hand that promises me love. :)

I dread saying goodbyes to Baby everytime when we have to go home. Baby always say that i am silly ><. But, zhen de she bu de ahh. How i wish time will just stop there. :( haha, okay, you may call me silly.

I am so looking forward to 20th July 2010, and our zoo trip! :D

Hmm....there is another thing that I am quite concerned about. My best friend emails me these few days to update me on her happenings as she is now far away at Boston. She told me about her worries, and i can understand how she feels.

I had also just read my another bestie's blog. From her blog, I can see that though she appears to be happy over there, but inside her are just dark clouds.She's truthfully enjoying her life there but that doesn't completely mean happiness. Really hope that i can be of help to her now...Hais, iust feel that, although we are all human beings, experiences in life do really make a person different, be it more positive or negative, more open or closed. Feel so deeply that being happy is not difficult. what's difficult is staying happy and positive in life always. This is something every human wish to do so, but not many can achieve.

Truly hope that my best friend will be able to manage the situation better; and my another bestie will truly be happier :) live life to the fullest.... :)

Confidence. Smile. I am learning to possess these 2 qualities in me always! :)

I confessed my love for BABY at 11:41 PM

YYY

Monday, June 28, 2010
Y *197* Y

Hello people! Here to update again! I got so much to say, yet i don't know how and where to start.

Baby has started his first day of work today. Seemed to be a rather nice day for him...this one month will be his training period, whereby he will go to company everyday for courses and ultimately obtain three certificates by end of the one month. Oh ya, I hadn't mentioned this. Baby is now currently working as a financial consultant at Prudential. So, people, if any one of you is interested in buying an insurance policy, please do support my Baby! Contact me for his number. Thank you so much :)

Today is the first day that Baby is not able to accompany me during my break. For the past one month, Baby would call me to chat with me during my break, just because i mentioned that i was bored. Everyday at work, i would so look forward to my break hour. Though it was always just a short one hour chat, I feel so sweet and motivated to work thereafter. Today is different....I entertain myself with songs, but I am missing him. Missing him so terribly much that I have to tell myself 'Silly, Baby is working hard now!'. Haha. Knowing that Baby is working hard at that moment, I find myself feeling proud of him. Because we are working hard together for our beautiful future. :)

Haha, I kept asking Baby to tell me that he misses me after his work today. But naughty Baby just wouldn't say it. Lol. Naughty Baby don't understand that i only just want to hear it personally from him...I only want to know that Baby feel the same as me, though we are both working hard in our jobs. Lol....but ultimately he still says it. Haha.

Baby, you don't have to do anything for me. Just remember me in your heart and jia you for work! That is enough for me :).

If my tears are more uncontrollable now, is it because I am not as strong anymore or there is already no need to force myself to stay strong....

I confessed my love for BABY at 10:26 PM

YYY

Friday, June 25, 2010
Y *196* Y

Hello people! woah. It has already been more than half a year since i last updated my blog. I didn't realize that it had been this long. Lol. I was truly being too busy with my life these few months. Sorry to keep you people waiting! But maybe some of you had stopped visiting here. Haha.

Alright. It's time for me to do some updating...Exam was over in May. I could only say I had done my best for it but it might very well turn out to be a disaster that I'm not sure whether I can deal with it. Well, perhaps I was not too hardworking for this examination. If i really have to repeat, I can only tell myself to work ultra hard and not to have any regrets again. *Xinyi, no matter how hard it will takes for you to complete your degree, you have to jia you! don't forget your promise to yourself at the very start! You can do it.*

Now currently, I am working in an infant care. As compared to childcare, it is definitely a very different experience. Babies do not know how to express themselves with word, yet they touches my heart deeply. Precisely because they do not talk, what I am able to feel from them is the most genuine. Really, how i hope they can keep their sparkle in their eyes and their innocent smiles forever. How i hope they do not grow up to face the reality of this world.

I still remember when I was carrying this baby who cries almost every minute when she is awake, I have this thought in my mind. Babies cry for the most simple reasons; hunger, sleepy or wet themselves, but as they grow older, the reasons for crying become more and more complicated. They cannot just cry out loud like they used to as a baby anymore. Thinking of this while carrying her just made me feel so sad. My babies, you all are really very cute and Teacher Xinyi do really hopes that all of you can grow up happily and keep this innocence in you forever :) I truly hope that your reasons for crying when you grow up will be out of happiness....

Looking at them, i told myself that for every minute of my life, i will stay happy as happiness is so precious :) my tears will only be out of happiness from now :) My love for children and babies, is forever. Because they showed me the most genuine part of a human being.

At this moment in my life, I am really fortunate to have my family, best friends and baby with me. Having them in my life makes me feel that in this world, i am important :) Loved ones is the love!

Yeelin and Alicia have flown over to Boston and will be staying there for 5 weeks. Really miss them so much. Life seem a bit different without them. Hope they enjoy their trip and come back faster!! haha.

How time flies. Baby and me will be celebrating our 1st year anniversary next month! In this one year, we went through so much hand in hand. Our love grows stronger day by day, creating more and more memories each day :) Be it sweet or bitter, these are truly what walked us till today. And i am thankful that the memories we have created till now are mostly happy and sweet!

Baby, i know you will read this! Haha. I didn't tell you how touched I felt when you hugged me in your arms when I cried yesterday. At that moment, I felt so really blessed, because you are the first one who hugged me so tightly when I cry. I am not a person who cries easily because for the past 20 years, I have to be strong for myself. I know that as much as best friends will comfort me with words, I have to stand up myself. But you are different. You made me feel that it's your love and hug that comfort me and you will stand up together with me

You will be starting your work soon. It will be a challenging and tiring work for you, but I believe strongly that you can do it. Of course I will have my worries, but i know very much that this is what you wish to excel in and this is what you think will be a helpful stepping stone. All i wish for you is to be happy, therefore if this is what you have interest in and will feel happy doing it, I will be behind you supporting you. To see you excel is the pride in my life. If you are tired from work, do not forget that I am here ready with all the oil to add on for you! my oil is unlimited and is ready for your usage forever! Haha. Jia you Baby!

Lastly, I really do feel fortunate to have you. Down the years to the end of my life, i will not stop loving you and supporting you. I believe you will not too :) let's build our future together, promise? I love you!

I confessed my love for BABY at 9:48 PM

YYY