Sunday, June 07, 2009
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Okay, at this late night, I felt like blogging. So here I am. Hmms....this is the 4th week le. haha, why am i counting? Because i can't believe, how time flies and how i've been coping with it these few weeks. Four weeks. I can't remember how i have been living. Life, just how is life for me now. I do not actually know.Over the past 3 weeks, I am living my usual life, doing what i do usually. People who see me thinks I am no different from usual. But underneath me, I feel myself changing. I feel myself shutting from the world. Perhaps, the hurt is never something I can deal with. My heart has been heavy all along; the weight comes from the tears hidden. Until....he posted the song, Jue Ding from Fang Ya Xian on Facebook. The lyrics is so true to my/his heart that i felt it was really my last straw. My strong front broke down the minute I heard the song. All my emotions whirled up and I couldn't take it. That minute, I could feel what he was feeling when he told me he has a gf, something I couldn't feel it that time. Too blinded by hurt. And seriously, that hurt is even more painful than his confession. Because I finally understand his pain in leaving too, I finally truly understand how hard it is for him to let go too....I understand but I understand even clearer that I can't bear for him to leave. That sat night, I broke down. The next day, I was so closed up that I did not say a single word. I felt so painful that talking, even breathing is hard. I did not want to appear strong anymore; in a way i was really completely shattered. Totally defeated. He taught me to be strong yet teach me how it's like to be totally shattered now. If that's it, why taught me to be strong in the first place? Perhaps I am never strong, but becuz of him, i do my best to.But thanks for the fact that I met up with my dearest besties, Yeelin and Alicia on mon. After trying very hard, i told them what I'm feeling. At that point of time, I know they did not really know what to say to me. It's not something that can be said with words, but their accompany already made me felt much lighter. And i meant it, when i say light. That night when i reached home, I felt that I am alive once again, but as a new me. Realised a lot of things and overcame many overwhelming emotions. I've learnt to see things in a different way, thus I know that i'll be happier and stronger one day. To me, it's as though my attitude or perhaps life has went through a rebirth. After the complete broke down, which took me away, I revived again. I felt lighter, and finally feel that I can wish him with a smile. I know it's already something that I couldn't change, I can't reverse time....if it's the best for him now and future, i'm willing to accept. He's someone i will never stop worrying about, he's someone who i will never hate...but please promise me that if this is what you choose, please be happy....if not....i will really can't bear. I wouldn't say, I don't feel hurt anymore. I still do. When Alicia told me abt what his gf wrote in a note, I felt a tinge of pain. But now, in the pain, I felt consoled that he's living on well. I believe if one day I do see the both of them tgt, I will be able to smile and wish him. To You: It took me so long to realise one person in my heart; it's my regret but i hope it's not going to be yours if she can be your happiness =) Jia you! 一定要幸福，答应我. And please, treasure your happiness. I know both of us wouldn't stop caring for one another, but do not need to worry for me anymore. You taught me what is being strong, I will still do my best to achieve it now =) My happiness, I will get it one day too.
相约去年冬季街角的你脸上挂著笑意好配这天气玻璃窗倒映两个人靠近多美的一个情景经过一个四季所剩无几脸上湿的痕迹还擦不乾净窗前站的你和你的恋情幸福得多甜蜜决定不等了这个冬季手织的毛衣变成收藏品决定祝福了从没开始的爱情在心里决定不等了下个冬季寒冷的雨滴不会再忧郁记得再次相遇心早已经平静终於微笑了看著你不哭泣p.s: 我让你等得太累了吧。。。曾经太过年轻，我不知道什么才是对你最好的。现在，我相信你的选择是你认为对你最好的，所以我可以努力学会接受。我不会怪你，而且我也决定祝福了，从没开始的爱情在心里。
I confessed my love for BABY at
12:36 AM
YYY
