Jiro Wang!

Thursday, July 31, 2008
Y *147* Y

Attachment's finally over. I have survived 245 hours of attachment, but why...I don't feel as excited as I thought I would, I don't feel as happy as I thought I would. In fact, there's really no happiness, other than a relief. I'm beginning to believe that children is my life, children is my source of laughter....and they are the ones I love with my whole heart, yet loving them and teaching them are two different things.

2 months ago, I was wondering why they must set this Field Practicum 3.1 thingy to make us feel more stressed, but now, I feel that Field Practicum 3.1 is a good thing, because it test your love for children and whether this line is for you. Through this practicum, I have confirmed my love and passion for children, though whether being a teacher not is still undecided. I don't know why I felt so attached to the children, hmms....of course ahhs, facing them daily, but I think the main reason is they are really sweet and I'm really too emotional. =P

Putting in too much feelings for children might not be a good thing as it will be very difficult to withdraw after that, but i'd rather be a teacher who feel for the children. I suppose this might be why the 2 supervisors said I'm cut out to be a teacher. Xian zhi, Rachel....Miss xinyi really miss you lots! I felt like i've wasted the first few weeks pondering and stressing over my workload that i've neglected the time with children! Damn assessments!

I've pasted the poster they made and pictures of my beloved on my wall. When i was pasting them yesterday, I told my mum "I want to put up the poster and pictures because they are the evidence and achievements of being a teacher. This poster is nice not only because of the decorations, it's nice because it's their group efforts. This might be my last time being a teacher, i've no idea whether i'll choose teaching as my future path....but they gave me this chance to feel great about teaching. I want to remember all these forever.". After saying, I felt so much like crying, even my silly mum want to tear. lols =P

It's been 3 days, and I'm still not feeling all right. I need time bahs, need time to get over this overwhelming emotions! I want to go back and visit them tmr, but should I? Hmms.....but the main thing now is to complete my 24 pages of final report and submit them tomorrow! All my emotions are stopping me to work....no mood! no mood! no mood!

Thanks for your messages. I know it doesn't mean anything, but still, I'm happy that you remembered me and initiated contact with me. I don't know how much I mean to you, but you certainly do mean something. But why is it that....you were never here when I need you the most?

I confessed my love for BABY at 2:55 PM

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Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Y *146* Y

Finally, after two hectic months, everything is coming to an end tomorrow. everything will end tomorrow....hahahas, 2 months ago, i wouldn't had expected myself to feel so sad about leaving the children. 2 months ago, i was hoping for everything to end faster, as life back then was really hectic. Sleepless and more sleepless nights, stress and more stress, work and more work.

But when everything was over, when all supervision and assessments were over, I felt that I'm back to the simplest...the simplest thing; just the love for children. When you realised you are there just for children, not for any assessment, the love in you is just overwhelming. Perhaps it's really the stress and workload that makes me waver...but children, no matter what, you are really my pride!

You'll never know, how proud miss xinyi felt when I saw all the 9 of you working together hand in hand to make a poster for me. It's really a beautiful one, the most beautiful poster ever to me, because it's your group work. I didn't dare to expect the 9 of you to co-operate that well, as I said, my class can be rather hard to handle. But you did it, and I did it. =)

Haha! i want to mention something here, I have a lovely baobei in my centre! He's really so handsome, cute and shuai! He can run very well too worh, haha, my boy =P love him to bits! If only he was born 14 years earlier, lols. He said he like me! Baobei, I love you too! But too bad, I can't post his picture here =(.

My kids made me really wanna cry today, and it's not my last day yet! Haha, I told my favourite girl that tomorrow is my last day, and she said "But I will miss you! I will miss you!" Girl, you don't know how much ur words touched me. I hugged her and said, I will come back to visit all of you....she actually said, "no, you come back and teach me after you studied!" Lovely girl =) she said, she is not coming to school tomorrow and I replied then, today is the last day i'm seeing you. Can you imagine how she answer me? She said, " I want to see you! I ask my mummy don't bring me go ahma hse tmr". Rachel, no matter if you come not tmr, I still miss and love you!

First time ever, I felt that sad to part with children. After all, I spent 245 hours with them, seeing them almost everyday! No doubt they made me angry, sad, worried many many times, but yet they are the ones i couldn't let go. I know that, they will forget as they grow, children's memories doesn't last long, but I wanna say...the memories they gave me are eternal because they touched me with the purest and innocent heart. ' I love you' from them are always the most sincere.

Children, Let's have a good and nice memory tomorrow! Hopefully your miss xinyi won't cry worh, although just by typing this entry makes me wanna cry =P

I confessed my love for BABY at 2:16 AM

YYY

Sunday, July 20, 2008
Y

我真的觉得能够有这样的爸妈，我很幸福。

从小，我的爸妈就真的很疼我。我一直都知道，但是以前的我或许太小，总是以为
爸爸妈妈对我的好是理所当然的。可是长大了，我却明白这种幸福真的不是必然的。
时间不会等人，在我眼中，爸爸妈妈一天一天的老去，已经不再像是以前那样。
我真的觉得好难过，很遗憾自己没有为他们真正做过什么。我想，唯一不变的就是
他们爱我，爱这个家的心。

我还记得有一次，我的好朋友们在讨论自己的爸爸，甚至到最后还开玩笑得说
谁的爸爸是全世界最好的爸爸。那时候，我什么都没说，因为我觉得我的爸爸
在我心中永远都是第一，真的不需要比较。从小到现在，我要什么，我爸从来
都没说过不可以。我爸虽然很严厉，甚至会让我害怕，但是他真的很爱我。。。
我实习的这段日子，很辛苦很累，有好几个晚上都几乎没得睡，表面上他只是
对我说“好好休息，不要太累”，可是却在我不知道的情况下，叫我妈买燕窝
给我。他自己都没对自己那么好吧。。。我时常对我妈说“爸爸好爱我喔”，
可是我没有对他那么说过。我想说，爸我真的爱你喔! 有一段时间你住院，
我真的好害怕，到那时我才发现，我的人生不能没有你的参与。

我妈，是我妈也是我的好朋友。为了多了解我，她甚至愿意陪我看偶像剧。
只为了，拉近她和我之间的距离。但是妈，你和我的距离一辈子也不可能离得
太远，因为我流着你的血。同样的，从小到现在，她也很少对我要的东西说不。
她永远都是把最好的留给我，我很感动。我记得她常对我说，她不知道没有我
的日子会怎么样。妈，其实我也是，没有你的日子，我想我真的什么样都不会是。

我实习的这段日子，曾经因为压力过大，崩溃的大哭一场。我妈除了安慰我，就是
陪着我哭。我知道，中学时期的我和你的关系没有很好，因为你过于关心我成绩的
关系让我觉得你在给我压力，觉得你不了解我。但是现在，我们的关系真的很好，
我很希望可以一直陪着你。最后，妈，我也真的很爱你喔!

我会写这些，纯粹是因为我想说。看着他们一天天得老去，我真的很害怕不知道能
陪他们多久。在以后的日子，爸妈，我会多陪你们的，也希望你们会知道我真的爱
你们，即使我不懂得说，你们也不会看见我写的话。

I confessed my love for BABY at 11:38 PM

YYY

Friday, July 18, 2008
Y *144* Y

Hey! I'm back~~~ Oh yeah! I had passed my 2 assessments and my supervision! My field supervisor commented that I did quite well for my lesson today. Thank god! I was really so nervous, and the most terrible feeling was when you opened your eyes and it struck you that the final assessment is today! Left the home earlier than usual, but still reached the centre at the usual time. Think i'm really walking very slowly today =P

Reached the centre, and my mentor gave me a bookmark to encourage me! she hope i can do my best, i appreciated that a lot but at that moment is really a kind of stress =p. Thanks to my teacher who had talked to the children beforehand, and they really behaved alot better than usual. My field supervisor said i am firm with the children, and my classroom management is not bad. Surprising comment! my children are really hard to control, hadn't met into such a class before. can control i'm already happy le =X

No matter what, what's OVER is OVER!! I am going to reward myself with a long night sleep today! LoLs, 2 more lessons to go! Though not supervised, but still hope i can do them well too =P Children, Let's JIA YOU for 2 more lessons, okay???

Friends (Lin, Alicia, Yeeling), MISS you all super much!!! Let's meet up soon all right?? =)

I wanna say......I miss you.

I confessed my love for BABY at 11:47 PM

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Saturday, July 05, 2008
Y *143* Y

Attachment had passed for 16 days! 15 more days to go!!! Jia you!! There are times when I really feel very tired about attachment, there are times when I really broke down because of the utmost stress, but I made it for 16 days! I must survive for the remaining 15 days! I must survive the 2 assessments!! and I will be free once again =)

I confessed my love for BABY at 1:01 AM

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