I have so much to say but I can't seem to pen it down....
I feel so confused. I feel everything is so wrong.....
I confessed my love for BABY at
10:52 PM
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Tuesday, November 16, 2010
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Out of a sudden, I feel like blogging. I feel there is a need to blog; I think I need a space to talk and this is it. Actually, I do not know what exactly that I want to say, but I just feel like something is clogging my heart and making me feel really uncomfortable. Perhaps, I just need to talk.Time flies uh. I'm into the 21st year of my life, 2nd year of university education and going to be into the 16th month of love with Baby. So much things has happened, and so much things made me grow to be a better and matured person. Be it bitter or sweet, I'm glad it all happened for a reason.These few days, I kept having memory flashback of my childhood years, and realised that in these 21 years, I have really been a fortunate and happy girl. I have family who love me, friends who are always there for me and now, a boyfriend who loves me.. All the things that i possess now, may be what people are wishing for life. Complete family? Supportive friends? Nice boyfriend? Health?... I have them all. I know I should already be contented, and most of the times, I really am.Almost everyday, I feel like I'm the most blissful girl on earth. I have nothing more to ask for; If I have any more to ask for, it will really be too much of me. I once told my best friends, 'when any sad thing happened in you life, just smile. It will be over one day'. All these years, I never fail to do so. All these years, facing problems with a smile is how I grow up. But, is it that as you grow older, you tend to think a bit more? or it is just a women's nature? Curiosity kills the cat. I suppose I wouldn't feel this tough if curiosity did not kick in then, but if given a choice back again, I think I would had made the same decision. It brought pain and tears, and never once in my life, I felt so suffocated. I kept telling myself 'it will be over soon. one day...very soon'. But this time, it didn't really work. When the feeling gets too bad, I scolded myself for thinking too much. Yeah, I know it is. But, it really hurts. Okay, stop being so emotional. Move on in life. Weeping and feeling bad does not give you a future. Treasure is the word; nothing else should matter more than this. Hurts and scars, someday they will be alright, but happiness don't come by someday.
I confessed my love for BABY at
9:28 PM
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Saturday, August 07, 2010
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Hi everyone! It's time for an update! Haha, I know my loyal fans are waiting for me! Hehe. I am quite lost of what to update actually. That's like so me. Haha! Always accumulating happenings and ended up being lost when i want to update. Haha. Alrights...I shall just update randomly yea?Okay! First thing : Baby and my first year anniversary :D. The initial plan was to go on a zoo trip on the 17th July. But it rained so heavily that Singapore actually flooded again! I woke up at 6 plus that day feeling all excited, but ended up disappointed. Decided to head to Baby's house first instead of the intial plan (meeting at amk), as the rain just spoiled everything. Reached Baby's house at 8plus and the both of us had no idea where to go. Thought of like tons of ideas but none seemed workable as outdoor activities on a rainy day is that impossible :( I kept telling Baby how disappointed I was that my long-awaited zoo trip couldn't be fulfilled, and Baby promised me that he will take me there one SUNNY day. Haha (Baby, make good your promise *winks*). Finally, after hours of slacking, we decided to head down to my grandmother's house for mahjong session (yeah, indoor activity :p). After that, we went to meet SIM friends for a buffet dinner at Sizzler. The food is nice though expensive, but I guess buffet is not that much for me. I over ate due to not wanting to waste the food. Haha. It was a nice day afterall :).On the 20th July, which was our exact anniversary date, I met Baby at his house after work, and then we headed to Tiong Bahru Plaza for a buffet dinner at Raja Inn (Our favourite buffet place, and the most worthwhile one for me cuz I can eat a lot there. Haha) Baby was surprised of the amount of food I ate that day and even laughed at me that the buffet at Sizzler expanded my appetite. I suggested going to the Arcade after dinner because I had the sudden urge to play the arcade games. Hehe. Asked Baby to catch a doll for me but none of the attempts succeeded. It was apparently the machine's fault because Baby had actually managed to catch it, but it dropped every single time. So sad. Haha. Then, we played the gun game and basketball. Baby is so suave when we played the gun game. Baby's shooting is so accurate! haha. And we took photos after that. Love Baby's classic photos and he's really getting better at NOT taking proper photos. Haha. It's a simple celebration but sweet to the bottom of my heart :) Baby, we have many more anniversaries to go oh :)Second thing : Return of the besties :D. My best friends had returned from Boston on the 23th July 2010! Haha. Feel so happy to see them again, and am glad that they had truthfully enjoyed the trip to the maximum. Had a few meet-ups with them, and it was great! Time with best friends is always so enjoyable. :). On the 5th August, I had a meet up with Infinitys to celebrate Boon Shuang and Sabrina's 21st birthday in advance! Time pass so fast..We celebrated their 17th, 18th, 19th, 20th...and now 21st birthday. Scary yea? It's always just a dinner celebration, and then home. Hais. But nevertheless, it's great to see all of them again. After all, how hard it is to hold the friendship of 8 persons together for so many years. :)
Third thing: Work :D. Work is pretty much the same, just that now I am no longer staying in the Infant Care. I am helping out in the Infant from 8 to 9 every morning, and then in the Toddler for the rest of the working hours. Working with toddlers is so much different from working with infants. It's so much more physically and mentally tiring and stressful. *stressed from the loud and clear cries every second*. Nevertheless, it's still enjoyable working with the toddlers, looking at their cute little faces. My boy, Kyle had just came out from the Infant care to join the Toddler class, and being the most familiar teacher to him, he would just cling on to me every second and cry loudly whenever I have to leave his sight. It's no doubt stressful to be handling his emotions and cries everyday, but I feel the pain when I look at his crying face. I can totally understand his fear and feel his helplessness, and it pains me so much whenever he stretch out his hands for me to carry him when he cries. Kyle, don't worry. Teacher Xinyi will be with you giving you the support and hugs you need till the day you learn to adapt to your class and to be independent. You will grow up to be strong, my boy :).Fourth thing: Baby's work :D Congratulations! :) Baby has gotten his first two certificates! So smart right? Haha. And he is on his way to get the third and final certificate, which entitles his right to sell Health Insurance. Having acquired the first two certs, it would mean that Baby can start to sell policies. So people, please approach him if you wish to get policy :). You may get his number from me. Thanks! I can greatly assure you that Prudential insurances are good; they are afterall the first in Asia for consecutive four years. :)Baby, here are some heartfelt words which I have always been wanting to tell you. From the day that you decided to join Prudential, I do really have a lot of worries. Each and every day in this one month, I have been thinking a lot and worrying about things like; will you be able to cope with the job? will the job suits you? etc. But after attending the talk with you, I really feel that I can better understand your job nature, your job scope and your job environment. And I like your company's idea of putting family as the priority while working hard, because I know how much family matters to you. Looking at you working hard and holding high hopes for your future, I feel so glad and happy for you, and finally, I can put my mind at ease because I am sure that you will be able to do a good job. I know that I may not be of much help in your career, but I know that I will be the most supportive person to you. I am just a hug away from you if you feel tired. Prudential as proven in all the award ceremonies is the best in the insurance industry, I really do hope that they can give you the best. the best future, the best prospects. I want the best for you. :). I trust you, and I love you. All I want to say lastly is, Jia you! Lastly, at the end of this post, i just want to release abit of my emotions here. My heart has been rather heavy these few days. I do not know whether it is because I am not feeling well, or because of PMS. I feel rather tired, and I feel the heart getting heavier. Sometimes, I feel it's tough being myself. I came across notes that I received from friends during secondary years when I was randomly packing my stuffs a few days ago. One of the notes wrote 'You are one of the most kind, innocent and optimistic person I have known. Please keep these qualities with you forever because they are not easy to be found in human's hearts'. and most of the notes wrote "You are so sweet and kind". At that moment, I really thought to myself "Innocent? Kind? Sweet? Will I really be able to keep them with me forever?" On the growing up process, especially in the working society, it just somehow seem that innocence and kindness are not able to deal with the cruelty of this world. But, I really just wish to be myself.
I confessed my love for BABY at
8:40 PM
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Thursday, July 01, 2010
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Hello everybody! wow! this is my 200th post! Can't believe i wrote 200 posts! Haha, this blog has been with me for 4 years. Time pass sooo fast! I will continue to blog here; everything in my life, everything about me and my love :) I will keep this blog for as long as i could, i promise :) After all, this is the only place where friends can see my updates.
Okay, today is a rather happy day for me. I woke up to see Baby's message, and this makes my day! :) It just feels good everytime to see a message from Baby when i open my eyes. Love love! Had a short SMS chat with Baby, and I suggested to meet Baby for lunch as I am only working at 2pm. Baby agreed, but I felt a bit worried that what if he wants to lunch with his colleagues. But my Baby assured me again and again that he is able to lunch with me, and I felt so sweet! :)
I decided to wear my pair of new white jeans today, and it turned out to be a really wrong choice! It wasn't raining when I left the house, but the moment Baby and me reached Newton Circle, it rained so heavily! It didn't stop raining after our lunch, hence Baby and me shared one umbrella to the MRT. Though the rain was really heavy, not that much of a romantic walk, I still feel sweet during the short walk. Okay, i'm silly! Haha. While walking, I was so worried that Baby will get sick if he returns to the air-conditioned office drenched. I kept telling him to shelter himself more, but Baby said 'it's alright. I won't fall sick. You too cannot fall sick'. Haha though I always complain to Baby that he don't say sweet things to me often, his actions actually proven me everything in love :)
Reached my centre at 2pm, and I was so sad that my white jeans is dirty due to the rain :(:(. Worked at N1 until 6pm, and took over the student care class (primary school kids). I was actually quite worried before that as I had never been to student care class. My N1 teacher who had went there to relief before told me that the kids over there can be really naughty and i must be firm with them. And she went on to laugh at me 'Hmm, maybe they will think you are part of them, you know you are so small'. Lol! But, the class turned out to be pretty okay :)
Baby has a dinner date with his ex-colleagues today; and here i am, waiting for his call. Love! :)
I confessed my love for BABY at
9:36 PM
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Wednesday, June 30, 2010
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Recently, i think my emotions are quite unstable. Emotional stress, i suppose. I've been feeling so frustrated and uncertain to things. Each time and every time, i tried so hard to control myself down. I did lost control, but not big ones. Most of the time, i am asking myself 'what do i really want?'; 'what do i need to stay happy?' Confusion. Frustration.
Often late at nights now, when i am the only one awake in the family, i have the urge to cry. Nothing particularly came into my mind; but this urge just comes so randomly and suddenly. Every night, when i say byebye to Baby, I too feel like crying. But I didn't cry. I didn't cry on these nights. I just feel like. Maybe I dread and scares of the thought that I am going to be alone now, at night again. I can completely understand that Baby has to work and he need enough rest. I won't want him to be too tired and I certainly won't allow him to accompany me till too late. So, I am now learning to cope with my emotions...
On another note, it's a good thing that I have learnt to release my emotions. I still will not cry that easily, but if there is really a need for me to, i will not fight back my tears anymore :). I think I feel secured with Baby, that I know I no longer need to try so hard to protect myself. Friends had told me to release my emotions when necessary, but I didn't know how to do so. But now, i think I do know it. When you have someone behind to support you and be by your side to love you, you will know that it won't hurt that much if you fall...you will know that even if you fall, your love will help you up. That word is love.
When you have someone to love you, you will learn to release your emotions and face up to yourself, your hurts, your everything. I'm blessed with Baby :). But I am a grown up now. I cannot be too weak. It's equally important to know how to depend on people, and at the same time be strong. So, i must gain back the ability to cope with my emotions and be strong now.
Don't worry. Like i said, I am really happy and blessed with my life now, with all my loves. I think this might just be a more more serious case of PMS than usual. I do hope so. Or maybe, i miss my best friends. Or maybe, identity crisis!?! Haha, anyway, i will be all right. Positive positive positive!
Random frustration is scary!!! :(. AHHH! PMS go away! Girls...are so ke lian :(
I just need to hear it personally from you at times....
I confessed my love for BABY at
10:05 PM
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Tuesday, June 29, 2010
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Okay, no work today. Decided to go down to Orchard to get Baby's advanced first year present; an office bag as he needs it for work. Reached Orchard with Mum at around 1plus and did a little shopping with her before she went off to meet her friends. Mum bought me a blazer at pepperplus; after discount was about 40. i think. Love! Started my search at around 2pm....Combed Wisma Atria, Takashimaya, Heeren, Cineleisure, ION and 313! wow, i had never tried combing Orchard on my own before, somemore i was in my heels! Legs were super painful from all the walking in heels; but because I had no time to spare, i bear with the pain and continue walking. Finally, found a bag which caught my eyes at the first sight at 313, Pedro! I had wanted to go to Robinsons to take a look, but i was running out of time! Meeting Baby at 515 and when i reached 313, it was already 430!! Therefore, after spending another 15mins staring at the bag, I laid my hands on it. Haha. Wanted to rush to dhoby ghaut immediately, but my legs were really too painful. Rested for a short while and proceeded to meet Baby! :)Baby came at around 530 and i was so excited to see him! Haha. We had our dinner at Astons' and watched the movie; Toy Story 3. It was a simple but nice movie! I enjoyed it a lot. :) After that, was home sweet home.My day with baby ended fast; but I enjoyed every second of it. Love hugging Baby during the movie. Love being in Baby's arms. Love holding Baby's hand; the hand that promises me love. :)
I dread saying goodbyes to Baby everytime when we have to go home. Baby always say that i am silly ><. But, zhen de she bu de ahh. How i wish time will just stop there. :( haha, okay, you may call me silly.
I am so looking forward to 20th July 2010, and our zoo trip! :D
Hmm....there is another thing that I am quite concerned about. My best friend emails me these few days to update me on her happenings as she is now far away at Boston. She told me about her worries, and i can understand how she feels.
I had also just read my another bestie's blog. From her blog, I can see that though she appears to be happy over there, but inside her are just dark clouds.She's truthfully enjoying her life there but that doesn't completely mean happiness. Really hope that i can be of help to her now...Hais, iust feel that, although we are all human beings, experiences in life do really make a person different, be it more positive or negative, more open or closed. Feel so deeply that being happy is not difficult. what's difficult is staying happy and positive in life always. This is something every human wish to do so, but not many can achieve.
Truly hope that my best friend will be able to manage the situation better; and my another bestie will truly be happier :) live life to the fullest.... :)
Confidence. Smile. I am learning to possess these 2 qualities in me always! :)
I confessed my love for BABY at
11:41 PM
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